Dear Deployment

I hate you. I realize that hate is a very strong emotion but I cannot help the way that I feel. You have taken so much from my family this year. You have deprived me of my partner in life, Sgt D. You have deprived Baby D of her wonderful loving daddy, and you have taken away Sgt D’s only opportunity to see Baby D grow and change during the first year of her life.

We have missed out on so many things this year. We lost Valentine’s Day. It would have been nice to have been able to cook a candlelit dinner for my husband and enjoy a quiet romantic moment with him after Baby D went to bed. We missed out on Sgt D’s birthday in March. I love birthdays, and celebrating them has always been important to me, this year would have been amazing for Sgt D because it was the day that Baby D laughed for the first time. He would have loved to receive that as a present. Our first Easter with Baby D came and went without any fanfare. I dressed her up in her bunny outfit and took some really cute pictures to send him, but other than that it was just another day in our lives.

Mother’s Day was particularly difficult for me. It was my first Mother’s Day, not counting last year when I was pregnant, and I am sure that Sgt D would have done something special to celebrate the day. I guess I will have to wait until next year to find out what it would be like to have my whole family present. My mom did rescue the day partially by being with us. It was nice to be together, three generations of women, but if I had a choice, I would much rather have had Sgt D deployed! Father’s Day was really hard, harder than Mother’s Day actually. I wanted to make him feel special and let him know just how important he is to our family, but alas, I had to settle for a 15 min conversation on the phone. I couldn’t even send him a care package for a multitude of reasons, so he will get his Father’s Day presents some time in July.

I cannot say that this experience has been all bad. I have learned how to do so much on my own. I have learned that I can go for months on end sleep deprived and not kill every person that tells me babies do sleep through the night. I have developed a sense of control over my emotions that I never previously had. I used to let the tiniest thing set me off and maybe it is a combination of becoming a mother and having to deal with everything on my own, but I do not sweat the small stuff nearly as much as I used to. I think that the love that Sgt D and I have for each other has grown even deeper and that we have developed a more intense appreciate for each of our little quirks. I miss watching him come home and straighten up our house because he can’t sit still unless it is perfect.

Maybe hate is too strong of a word…but I know this much deployment, we will never be friends. You have taken too much from my family and I.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled army wife of a deployed soldier

Mrs. D