Do I Make You Proud?

This is a question that occupied my mind a lot growing up and into my adult years. The question was usually directed towards my parents. I wanted their approval, but more importantly, I wanted to make them proud. I wanted them to be able to proudly say to any person they met that I was their daughter.  I still want to make my mom and dad proud, but these days I keep thinking about another person in my life that I want to make proud, Toddler D.

I am not seeking her approval, but I do want her to want to say "that is my mom and she is the best". I truly want to do everything in my power to make her proud to have me as a parent, mother, confidant and friend. I am proud of my parents. I think they are truly amazing people. To have gone as far in their lives as they have and to have accomplished all that they have professionally while neither of them possess college degrees is so impressive. It is, I'm sure, also part of the reason it was so important to them that I get my college degree, not because they thought it would put me above or ahead of anyone else, but rather so I wouldn't have to encounter many of the struggles that they faced in their professional careers. I am proud of them because they have been married since 1972.  How many people these days can say that?!? And even more importantly, they are still in love!  That makes me so proud of my parents because they never gave up on each other, even during the hard times. I don't really know if they had hard times but I assume that all marriages go through periods that are rougher than others.  I am proud of the fact that they are STILL taking risks and chances. They travel to far off countries that I know they would never have gone to 20 years ago, but now they just buy a plane ticket and go.

That all being said, I have been thinking about this question: How do I make Toddler D proud? Is it my actions? Is it how I treat her, her daddy, the people in our lives? Is it having a job/career? Is it making beautiful things? What can I do that is going to make her proud to say that I'm her mommy.

This year, 2011, has become a year of self-improvement for me. Not because I set a New Year's Resolution, but simply because as the past three months have gone by I have come to recognize that there are things about myself that I want to change and improve upon, for no one other than me. This time though, I want to make a change for her. I want to go out of my way to act in ways that would make her proud, quite specifically treating others the way that I want to be treated. If I want to be respected then I need to act in a respectful manner at all times. This may very well be the hardest part of parenthood. When you are single or it is just you and your partner there really isn't anyone watching you, but when I see my little mimic I realize that she is watching my EVERY MOVE and it is time that I act in ways that I want her to mimic and learn.