Harder than a deployment

Last night I had an epiphany. In so many ways this past year has been harder on my family than the deployment that we went through just one year ago.  Upon Sgt D's return he was put in charge of supply and in charge of a supply room that was a complete and utter DISASTER.  We were given all kinds of empty promises before he came home, like: everyone will be off work by 1500 (3:00 pm for you civilians) every day until block leave (2 months after getting home).  That did actually happen...for everyone who wasn't in supply. Most days, and keep in mind we lived on post and he had a 10 minute commute, we didn't see him until practically bedtime for Toddler D.  We were promised DONSAs and make-up DONSAs that never came. 

What makes this so difficult is that Sgt D is up at 4:30 am every morning 5 days a week. Most days he doesn't make it home in time for dinner and usually misses bedtime with Toddler D.  This means that Toddler D only sees her daddy 2 days a week, and each and every weekend it is like a complete reintroduction and adjustment period. It is hard on her, it tears him to pieces and I just can't stand watching it. We know she loves him, but she never gets to see him and because of that...well you can imagine the issues it brings to the front.  When they do get one on one time together on the weekends, it is awesome to watch them, but during the week, for all intents and purposes you wouldn't even know that they live under the same roof. It makes me so sad.

In other ways this has been hard too. There just are not enough hours in the day.  When Sgt D consistently gets home after 8 or 9 pm every night for months on end it is hard to get any special time with him.  Husband and wife bonding time - even just to watch a tv show.  We have gotten to the point where we are scheduling "date nights"...when they fit into the army's plan that is.  We started talking just last night and I said, I know you probably don't want to talk right now seeing as you have to get up in 5 hours and he said that it was definitely in the back of his mind.  I feel like I have to do everything in this house by myself. Not because he won't help me, because he does whenever he is home, but because I feel guilty asking him for help on his 2 days a week off work. I want him to be able to relax and not think about that yucky toilet that needs scrubbing.

That's why this year in some ways has been harder than a deployment....on all of us.  During the deployment we each had our routines, we knew what to expect every day, we knew when we were going to talk (for the most part), when we would see each other, and what we needed to do to get through the day.  This is totally different. It is as though the giant puppet master (the army) is pulling all the strings and likes making us dance.  Toddler D is suffering the most - the weekly readjustment to daddy is hard.  She tests him every chance she gets and while it is clear how much she loves him it is also clear that she doesn't trust that she will get to see him every day.  Every morning she gets up and looks for the truck outside - her way of figuring out if daddy is home or not.  We have a new commander now, maybe things will improve. Maybe we will get to start having dinner with Sgt D again, that would be a huge treat. 

Lucky for us, there is so much love in this house that the situation hasn't pulled us apart. We have a new sense of respect for what the other person is going through, and we are both learning to be more understanding and compassionate.  Our marriage gets stronger - this is one test that we seem to be passing with flying colors.