So it has been 2 months since I have blogged here. Oh, yes, I said here. I blog somewhere else too. I haven't blogged here because here...I am a different person. Here I am open and completely honest about practically every aspect of my life and that can be really hard at times. I have been trying something new the past few months and for the most part it has been really working for me. I have been focusing on all the good in my life and what I have to be thankful for and I have been a much happier person.
I do have so much to be grateful for. My wonderful family - my amazing daughter and wonderful husband! They are my everything. I am grateful for the house we live in and my parents who have helped us so much. I am grateful that I am finally beginning to get it - the it being what it means to be an army wife and what that "job" entails (and yes, it is a job - a full time job, especially when you have a child).
There have been other things going on too - things I haven't really put into words very often or in very many places. I have been sick, really sick. I have lost close to 20 lbs and I have no explanation as to why. That scares the pants off me. I have been in the hospital for testing and I don't have answers yet. I am also living in a current state of exhaustion. When you have a 2 year old you have to keep up and Toddler D can be difficult to keep up with as she is a bundle of energy (which is a good thing!). Being sick for so long and losing so much weight, so quickly and without trying, is really scary. I am as thin as I was on my wedding day. Most women would be so happy about this, but I'm not, I want to know why I can eat 2 or 3 thousand calories in a day and still lose sometimes 2 lbs over night. That is not normal.
I am looking forward to a much needed vacation next week. We are heading back to CA for the holidays. SSG D (yup, SSG - SGT D has been promoted to SSG D) really needs a break and we are going to make it extra special this time by taking Toddler D with my parents to Lake Tahoe. We have been getting ready for that experience for weeks, making sure we have the right clothes and gear for snow play. Tahoe better deliver on the snow after all our preparations! We are going to take some time to really relax on this trip. Less running around and more time just enjoying ourselves as a family. That will be a welcome change and hopefully it will take my mind of other things....
Happy holidays everyone and I'm sorry for being a bad blogger (AGAIN!).
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thursday, October 06, 2011
Harder than a deployment
Last night I had an epiphany. In so many ways this past year has been harder on my family than the deployment that we went through just one year ago. Upon Sgt D's return he was put in charge of supply and in charge of a supply room that was a complete and utter DISASTER. We were given all kinds of empty promises before he came home, like: everyone will be off work by 1500 (3:00 pm for you civilians) every day until block leave (2 months after getting home). That did actually happen...for everyone who wasn't in supply. Most days, and keep in mind we lived on post and he had a 10 minute commute, we didn't see him until practically bedtime for Toddler D. We were promised DONSAs and make-up DONSAs that never came.
What makes this so difficult is that Sgt D is up at 4:30 am every morning 5 days a week. Most days he doesn't make it home in time for dinner and usually misses bedtime with Toddler D. This means that Toddler D only sees her daddy 2 days a week, and each and every weekend it is like a complete reintroduction and adjustment period. It is hard on her, it tears him to pieces and I just can't stand watching it. We know she loves him, but she never gets to see him and because of that...well you can imagine the issues it brings to the front. When they do get one on one time together on the weekends, it is awesome to watch them, but during the week, for all intents and purposes you wouldn't even know that they live under the same roof. It makes me so sad.
In other ways this has been hard too. There just are not enough hours in the day. When Sgt D consistently gets home after 8 or 9 pm every night for months on end it is hard to get any special time with him. Husband and wife bonding time - even just to watch a tv show. We have gotten to the point where we are scheduling "date nights"...when they fit into the army's plan that is. We started talking just last night and I said, I know you probably don't want to talk right now seeing as you have to get up in 5 hours and he said that it was definitely in the back of his mind. I feel like I have to do everything in this house by myself. Not because he won't help me, because he does whenever he is home, but because I feel guilty asking him for help on his 2 days a week off work. I want him to be able to relax and not think about that yucky toilet that needs scrubbing.
That's why this year in some ways has been harder than a deployment....on all of us. During the deployment we each had our routines, we knew what to expect every day, we knew when we were going to talk (for the most part), when we would see each other, and what we needed to do to get through the day. This is totally different. It is as though the giant puppet master (the army) is pulling all the strings and likes making us dance. Toddler D is suffering the most - the weekly readjustment to daddy is hard. She tests him every chance she gets and while it is clear how much she loves him it is also clear that she doesn't trust that she will get to see him every day. Every morning she gets up and looks for the truck outside - her way of figuring out if daddy is home or not. We have a new commander now, maybe things will improve. Maybe we will get to start having dinner with Sgt D again, that would be a huge treat.
Lucky for us, there is so much love in this house that the situation hasn't pulled us apart. We have a new sense of respect for what the other person is going through, and we are both learning to be more understanding and compassionate. Our marriage gets stronger - this is one test that we seem to be passing with flying colors.
What makes this so difficult is that Sgt D is up at 4:30 am every morning 5 days a week. Most days he doesn't make it home in time for dinner and usually misses bedtime with Toddler D. This means that Toddler D only sees her daddy 2 days a week, and each and every weekend it is like a complete reintroduction and adjustment period. It is hard on her, it tears him to pieces and I just can't stand watching it. We know she loves him, but she never gets to see him and because of that...well you can imagine the issues it brings to the front. When they do get one on one time together on the weekends, it is awesome to watch them, but during the week, for all intents and purposes you wouldn't even know that they live under the same roof. It makes me so sad.
In other ways this has been hard too. There just are not enough hours in the day. When Sgt D consistently gets home after 8 or 9 pm every night for months on end it is hard to get any special time with him. Husband and wife bonding time - even just to watch a tv show. We have gotten to the point where we are scheduling "date nights"...when they fit into the army's plan that is. We started talking just last night and I said, I know you probably don't want to talk right now seeing as you have to get up in 5 hours and he said that it was definitely in the back of his mind. I feel like I have to do everything in this house by myself. Not because he won't help me, because he does whenever he is home, but because I feel guilty asking him for help on his 2 days a week off work. I want him to be able to relax and not think about that yucky toilet that needs scrubbing.
That's why this year in some ways has been harder than a deployment....on all of us. During the deployment we each had our routines, we knew what to expect every day, we knew when we were going to talk (for the most part), when we would see each other, and what we needed to do to get through the day. This is totally different. It is as though the giant puppet master (the army) is pulling all the strings and likes making us dance. Toddler D is suffering the most - the weekly readjustment to daddy is hard. She tests him every chance she gets and while it is clear how much she loves him it is also clear that she doesn't trust that she will get to see him every day. Every morning she gets up and looks for the truck outside - her way of figuring out if daddy is home or not. We have a new commander now, maybe things will improve. Maybe we will get to start having dinner with Sgt D again, that would be a huge treat.
Lucky for us, there is so much love in this house that the situation hasn't pulled us apart. We have a new sense of respect for what the other person is going through, and we are both learning to be more understanding and compassionate. Our marriage gets stronger - this is one test that we seem to be passing with flying colors.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Taking Back the Power
I have noticed something lately, I seem to have given all of my power away. My power over how I feel about my body. My power over how I feel about myself as a mommy. My power over how I feel about myself as a wife. I have let how other people perceive me from the outside looking in impact how I feel about myself. People who don't live my life and people who (in many cases) I don't know and will never even say a word to. I have decided that this stops today.
I think I am a good person. I think, for a mom, a 30 year old woman and someone who has been permanently disabled since she was 20, I have a pretty nice body - heck just today I was able to get into my size 2 jeans. For some reason I have let how people might interpret the fact that I prefer jeans, a comfy tee and a pony tail impact how I view myself. The way I dress has everything to do with comfort - not the fact that I have "given up" on myself. I don't like wearing make-up, and I really don't like doing my hair. I can think of 1000 other things I could be doing with the 20 - 30 minutes that takes me every day. Maybe if I had a full time job I would invest the time, but that is a completely different situation (and by the way, when I did work full time I still didn't do my hair and make up every day).
I let how people might perceive my parenting decisions impact my self worth as a parent. No I don't panic every time Toddler D falls, I let her get up and decide if she needs hugs and loves before rushing over to her in a panic. The vast majority of the time she brushes a fall off and moves on to the next thing. I let people judge me based on what she eats and drinks. Yup, when we are at a restaurant I absolutely give her french fries. If we are eating them and she wants one I'm not going to tell her no, I don't think that is fair to her. We don't go out very often so she doesn't get to eat them very often, she is certainly in no immediate danger of being considered over weight, so I'm not too chuffed if all she eats when we go to Applebee's is fries. I know that during the day she ate plenty of healthy food to make up for the cruddy dinner she is eating.
I let people judge my marriage - and let me tell you folks, that stops today. Until you walk a mile in my shoes, in my marriage then don't even consider judging it or me. We have our issues like any couple and we are working hard to resolve those issues. There is tons of love to go around but as a military family it is really hard when we don't get to see each other and there is always another deployment or other type of separation looming on the horizon.
I am Mrs. D and I am taking back my power. I know deep in my soul that I am a good person, a good mom, and a good wife. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about me. If I can look at myself in the mirror every morning and still like what I see then I must be doing something right. I hope you will take back the power too.
PS. If you haven't seen this blog, go check it out and remember that you are Awesome!
I think I am a good person. I think, for a mom, a 30 year old woman and someone who has been permanently disabled since she was 20, I have a pretty nice body - heck just today I was able to get into my size 2 jeans. For some reason I have let how people might interpret the fact that I prefer jeans, a comfy tee and a pony tail impact how I view myself. The way I dress has everything to do with comfort - not the fact that I have "given up" on myself. I don't like wearing make-up, and I really don't like doing my hair. I can think of 1000 other things I could be doing with the 20 - 30 minutes that takes me every day. Maybe if I had a full time job I would invest the time, but that is a completely different situation (and by the way, when I did work full time I still didn't do my hair and make up every day).
I let how people might perceive my parenting decisions impact my self worth as a parent. No I don't panic every time Toddler D falls, I let her get up and decide if she needs hugs and loves before rushing over to her in a panic. The vast majority of the time she brushes a fall off and moves on to the next thing. I let people judge me based on what she eats and drinks. Yup, when we are at a restaurant I absolutely give her french fries. If we are eating them and she wants one I'm not going to tell her no, I don't think that is fair to her. We don't go out very often so she doesn't get to eat them very often, she is certainly in no immediate danger of being considered over weight, so I'm not too chuffed if all she eats when we go to Applebee's is fries. I know that during the day she ate plenty of healthy food to make up for the cruddy dinner she is eating.
I let people judge my marriage - and let me tell you folks, that stops today. Until you walk a mile in my shoes, in my marriage then don't even consider judging it or me. We have our issues like any couple and we are working hard to resolve those issues. There is tons of love to go around but as a military family it is really hard when we don't get to see each other and there is always another deployment or other type of separation looming on the horizon.
I am Mrs. D and I am taking back my power. I know deep in my soul that I am a good person, a good mom, and a good wife. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about me. If I can look at myself in the mirror every morning and still like what I see then I must be doing something right. I hope you will take back the power too.
PS. If you haven't seen this blog, go check it out and remember that you are Awesome!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Dear Blog
Are you feeling neglected? Left out? Ignored? As well you should! It has been a long time since I have come to you to pour my heart out.
There are lots of reasons I have not come to you. I have been busy, life has happened. As someone was once heard to say, "and the hits just keep on coming." That is how it has felt lately. There are so many things in our lives to be grateful for, we have wonderful family and an amazing daughter. We have our gorgeous new home that we love. There is so much joy, but as in any family we have our sorrows too - Toddler D has been sick. We spent a few days in the hospital and let me tell you there is nothing sadder than watching a 20 month old lay on an exam table with her arm out stretched so that a team of nurses can try for 4 hours to get an iv in her. No fighting it, no struggling against it, only saying over and over again "Good Girl". It was enough to make a grown army doctor cry (and me too!). She is on the mend now, but the doctor said it is going to be a month to a month and a half before she is back to her old self again.
Good things are happening every day though and new ideas are being born. We will see what the future holds for us, I am excited about things on the horizon.
I am sorry for ignoring you, this isn't the first time and it probably won't be the last either. You are important to me, but you also come last.
Love, Mrs. D
There are lots of reasons I have not come to you. I have been busy, life has happened. As someone was once heard to say, "and the hits just keep on coming." That is how it has felt lately. There are so many things in our lives to be grateful for, we have wonderful family and an amazing daughter. We have our gorgeous new home that we love. There is so much joy, but as in any family we have our sorrows too - Toddler D has been sick. We spent a few days in the hospital and let me tell you there is nothing sadder than watching a 20 month old lay on an exam table with her arm out stretched so that a team of nurses can try for 4 hours to get an iv in her. No fighting it, no struggling against it, only saying over and over again "Good Girl". It was enough to make a grown army doctor cry (and me too!). She is on the mend now, but the doctor said it is going to be a month to a month and a half before she is back to her old self again.
Good things are happening every day though and new ideas are being born. We will see what the future holds for us, I am excited about things on the horizon.
I am sorry for ignoring you, this isn't the first time and it probably won't be the last either. You are important to me, but you also come last.
Love, Mrs. D
Friday, July 01, 2011
30 years, 30 things
1981 - I was born - that in and of itself was pretty big, without that event...I wouldn't be here
1982 - I learned to walk
1983 - Started talking up a storm - my mom used to ask "who put a quarter in you?"
1984 - Started Happy Halls and named Papa "my FBI man"
1985 - Turned 4 - yeah, I can't remember that far back, I'm kinda winging the early years a bit!
1986 - Started kindergarten
1987 - First trip to Disneyland - if that's not a milestone, I don't know what is!
1988 - Broke my first bone - the first of MANY!
1989 - Got my first black eye
1990 - Started walking home from school with my brother - no more day care after school!
1991 - Entered double digits with a party that involved large balloons and dreaming about future undergarments - I was TEN, what do you expect!
1992 - Joined Rainbow girls - this had a lasting impact on me, I hope one day Toddler D will be interested
1993 - Joined band and made a lifelong friend
1994 - Experienced my first funeral and the loss of a loved one
1995 - Finished Middle School and started High School
1996 - Sewed my first pair of pants - and learned a valuable lessons about directional prints!
1997 - Had a run in with a bat, a logging truck and I got my driver's license - it was a big summer
1998 - Drove through the garage door (I can laugh about it now...sorta)
1999 - Graduated from high school and went to Hawaii for the first time
2000 - Finally picked my major - History/Social Sciences - I still love it and actually plan to use it in my third career
2001 - Discovered my love of photography
2002 - Bought my first sewing machine, my medium format camera and my Nikon SLR - girls love techie toys too!
2003 - Graduated from college with honors
2004 - Went to Tahiti - saw the birthplace of my great grandparents and met many wonderful relatives
2005 - Went to Alaska - the sun never set on my birthday that year
2006 - Went to Hawaii for the second time
2007 - Met the love of my life, got married, and moved out of CA - something I never thought I would do!
2008 - Started my Master's in Education program - I hope to finish it some day too!
2009 - Met my best friend ever - she is absolutely beautiful and a total firecracker! Toddler D is AMAZING
2010 - Survived Sgt D's first deployment - thanks to my parents and 4 months in CA
2011 - Became a home owner
Can't wait to see what the next 30 years has in store for me and my family!
1982 - I learned to walk
1983 - Started talking up a storm - my mom used to ask "who put a quarter in you?"
1984 - Started Happy Halls and named Papa "my FBI man"
1985 - Turned 4 - yeah, I can't remember that far back, I'm kinda winging the early years a bit!
1986 - Started kindergarten
1987 - First trip to Disneyland - if that's not a milestone, I don't know what is!
1988 - Broke my first bone - the first of MANY!
1989 - Got my first black eye
1990 - Started walking home from school with my brother - no more day care after school!
1991 - Entered double digits with a party that involved large balloons and dreaming about future undergarments - I was TEN, what do you expect!
1992 - Joined Rainbow girls - this had a lasting impact on me, I hope one day Toddler D will be interested
1993 - Joined band and made a lifelong friend
1994 - Experienced my first funeral and the loss of a loved one
1995 - Finished Middle School and started High School
1996 - Sewed my first pair of pants - and learned a valuable lessons about directional prints!
1997 - Had a run in with a bat, a logging truck and I got my driver's license - it was a big summer
1998 - Drove through the garage door (I can laugh about it now...sorta)
1999 - Graduated from high school and went to Hawaii for the first time
2000 - Finally picked my major - History/Social Sciences - I still love it and actually plan to use it in my third career
2001 - Discovered my love of photography
2002 - Bought my first sewing machine, my medium format camera and my Nikon SLR - girls love techie toys too!
2003 - Graduated from college with honors
2004 - Went to Tahiti - saw the birthplace of my great grandparents and met many wonderful relatives
2005 - Went to Alaska - the sun never set on my birthday that year
2006 - Went to Hawaii for the second time
2007 - Met the love of my life, got married, and moved out of CA - something I never thought I would do!
2008 - Started my Master's in Education program - I hope to finish it some day too!
2009 - Met my best friend ever - she is absolutely beautiful and a total firecracker! Toddler D is AMAZING
2010 - Survived Sgt D's first deployment - thanks to my parents and 4 months in CA
2011 - Became a home owner
Can't wait to see what the next 30 years has in store for me and my family!
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Things to think about when moving
We finally moved last weekend! Woohoo! We have a place of our very own. We can put a nail in the wall and no one can say one word about it. That is pretty cool when you have been renting for the past several years and prior to that you lived with your parents and your dad would have had a cow if you put a hole in his wall.
Here is a short list of things to think about the next time you move:
Here is a short list of things to think about the next time you move:
- Check the drawer under the oven before leaving - otherwise you might forget your only casserole dishes
- Have your best friend watch your toddler, if her whole world is going to change at least have her be with someone she is comfortable with
- Whatever size truck you think you are going to need...get one size bigger!!! Thankfully our previous neighbors are really nice and let us keep some stuff in their carport for a week until we can pick it up.
- You are going to be exhausted the day you move, don't offer to buy everyone dinner, instead tell them after you get settled you will have a big "Thank you" BBQ - entertaining that night is NUTS!
- Be prepared for your toddler's schedule to be messed up for a few days - her whole world has changed and it takes awhile to readjust.
- If you are moving in to a house with no window coverings, make sure that you packed your largest sheets somewhere convenient and easy to find the first night. You will look like gypsies until your blinds are installed, but at least you will be able to sleep and comfortably walk around your house!
- Something will be wrong with the house...hopefully only minor, but try not to let it stress you out too much, you are already exhausted and don't need the extra headache of allowing it to bug you. Help is only a phone call away.
- Don't have enough furniture to fill your house...IKEA! In less than three hours you can buy 7 new pieces of furniture and only spend $1,500. Remember to always bring two vehicles or be prepared to shell out the extra $50.00 for home delivery (which to me is totally worth it!).
- Don't panic, everything doesn't have to be unpacked in one day. If you bought the house you have a lifetime to get settled in...but don't be like my mom either - living in the same house for 19 years and only just finishing the unpacking this past Christmas! (forgive me mom)
- Congratulations and enjoy the moment!
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| Enjoying the view from the porch |
Saturday, May 14, 2011
18 Months
Note: This post would have gone up on the 12th, but blogger was down for almost a full day and I wasn't feeling well yesterday.
Toddler D is now 18 months old. She is a HANDFUL!!! In a good way most of the time.
Here are some cool "milestones" we have reached since her 15 month appointment:
Toddler D is now 18 months old. She is a HANDFUL!!! In a good way most of the time.
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| The Amazing Shrinking Giraffe |
- She can climb out of the crib if left in there without her modified sleep sack on (ok this one isn't cool AT ALL but it is a milestone!)
- She has all sorts of new words. Here are some of Sgt D's and my favorites: WOW, Geez, Gosh, Baba (that is Grandpa), mail, park, wee (swing), boo boo (which is poo poo), and boo (which is boo boo).
- She is a climber! She will climb on ANYTHING. God help us when we move into the new house with the STAIRS.
- She is taller than the kitchen counters and does not always remember that fact.
- She now rides the big girl swings and as of Thursday she likes to jump off mid-swing - yes mommy just about had a heart attack!
- She loves bath time and blowing bubbles in the tub - but she only seems to like it when daddy gives her a bath, when mommy does she screams the whole time and wants OUT!
- She will only eat meals now if we have her music playing, she sways to the beat while she eats - at least she has rhythm.
- When mama is gone she demands mama the whole time, when dada is gone she demands dada all day long. Needless to say, mama hears "dada" all day long during the week and is constantly saying the words "Dada is at work".
- She knows the google video chat ring means that she will get to see Nana and as soon as the computer makes the noise she starts saying "Nana" over and over again :)
- We have officially started potty training! She has the interest and hopefully soon the desire and we can stop doing cloth diapers! That would be this mommy's dream come true!
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| Dada's Hiking Buddy |
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| Mama's Playmate |
Monday, May 02, 2011
Life Goes On...
Yesterday someone died. Someone who did horrible things to countless people died. I am not going to celebrate his death anymore than I would celebrate his life. Instead I am going to tell you that life goes on.
People in the army are still deployed, his death is not going to have them come home any earlier. If anything, his death could mean even more deaths of American men and women as a backlash from his supporters. Life goes on for these men and women, they are still on the FOB waiting in line for a phone or a computer to talk to a loved one at home.
My daughter is still sick and we are still struggling to get a mental and emotional handle on the situation. She is still a bright light in our lives. Her life GOES ON.
Sgt D and I continue construction on our house. As of yesterday our closing date is May 26th and we plan to be 100% moved in (let's not talk about unpacked) by the end of Memorial Day Weekend. Our lives GO ON.
In the big scheme of things, nothing has changed other than the "face" of evil and hate has died. My hope and prayer for this country and for this country's soldiers is that we can find a way to move forward from this incident that does not involve the loss of anymore lives, from either side of this ongoing conflict. Even one more death is too many.
People in the army are still deployed, his death is not going to have them come home any earlier. If anything, his death could mean even more deaths of American men and women as a backlash from his supporters. Life goes on for these men and women, they are still on the FOB waiting in line for a phone or a computer to talk to a loved one at home.
My daughter is still sick and we are still struggling to get a mental and emotional handle on the situation. She is still a bright light in our lives. Her life GOES ON.
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| Spinning circles in her new driveway |
Sgt D and I continue construction on our house. As of yesterday our closing date is May 26th and we plan to be 100% moved in (let's not talk about unpacked) by the end of Memorial Day Weekend. Our lives GO ON.
In the big scheme of things, nothing has changed other than the "face" of evil and hate has died. My hope and prayer for this country and for this country's soldiers is that we can find a way to move forward from this incident that does not involve the loss of anymore lives, from either side of this ongoing conflict. Even one more death is too many.
Monday, April 25, 2011
3.5 Years
Tomorrow will be 3.5 years since Sgt D and I moved to WA. When we first got here I thought I was going to spend the rest of our stay here wearing 15 layers of clothes at all times. I was constantly wrapped up in a blanket wearing at least two shirts and a sweatshirt at all times! I was COLD!
It is amazing how things have changed. I still have to wear a house coat to keep warm, but when we go out now I usually just wear a t-shirt and a light polar fleece zip up. In fact, on the days that it is 50 degrees out and the sun is shinning, I actually run the Air Conditioning! When I lived in CA I didn't run the AC unless it was over 85 outside.
I only thought about this because we got new neighbors last weekend, and I asked our new neighbor how she liked it up here and she said point blank that she hated it. I asked if it was the weather and she said it was. She is from Arizona and used to a much warmer and DRYER climate. I could completely understand where she is coming from. At least she arrived in Spring when the weather is just starting to get nice as opposed to the middle of Fall when you have 8 months left to wait before the rain even considers letting up. She said that she and her husband would do their time here and request a transfer as soon as they were allowed one. I told her that we originally felt the same way, but now 3.5 years later we are buying a house here and getting ready to call WA home for as long as the army will let us. She thinks I'm crazy now, but that's ok because I really have come to love it here.
Now that things have changed with Toddler D's health situation, Sgt D and I are going to fight even harder now with the army to make sure that we can stay here. We want to make sure that she receives consistent health care from trained specialists in the pediatric kidney field. We both have realized just how precious her health care is and we certainly do not want to chance ending up stationed somewhere that does not have a local specialist. We can't take any risks anymore.
Toddler D is a trooper and she loved celebrating Easter yesterday. It is her smile and joy that makes everything we and she are going through worth the struggle.
After all, how can you deny her anything!
It is amazing how things have changed. I still have to wear a house coat to keep warm, but when we go out now I usually just wear a t-shirt and a light polar fleece zip up. In fact, on the days that it is 50 degrees out and the sun is shinning, I actually run the Air Conditioning! When I lived in CA I didn't run the AC unless it was over 85 outside.
I only thought about this because we got new neighbors last weekend, and I asked our new neighbor how she liked it up here and she said point blank that she hated it. I asked if it was the weather and she said it was. She is from Arizona and used to a much warmer and DRYER climate. I could completely understand where she is coming from. At least she arrived in Spring when the weather is just starting to get nice as opposed to the middle of Fall when you have 8 months left to wait before the rain even considers letting up. She said that she and her husband would do their time here and request a transfer as soon as they were allowed one. I told her that we originally felt the same way, but now 3.5 years later we are buying a house here and getting ready to call WA home for as long as the army will let us. She thinks I'm crazy now, but that's ok because I really have come to love it here.
Now that things have changed with Toddler D's health situation, Sgt D and I are going to fight even harder now with the army to make sure that we can stay here. We want to make sure that she receives consistent health care from trained specialists in the pediatric kidney field. We both have realized just how precious her health care is and we certainly do not want to chance ending up stationed somewhere that does not have a local specialist. We can't take any risks anymore.
Toddler D is a trooper and she loved celebrating Easter yesterday. It is her smile and joy that makes everything we and she are going through worth the struggle.
After all, how can you deny her anything!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Getting Brave
I find that the older I get the braver I get. I am also gaining some confidence...at least in certain areas of my life. I have come to the conclusion that I have some talent. I think I am a good photographer - not the best in the world, but maybe better than average. I also think that I have some creative talent in my sewing and knitting.
I have started taking risks and trying new things. Just tonight I free-motion quilted a new quilt that I DESIGNED for Toddler D. There are two major things in that last sentence. I free-motion quilted a quilt AND I designed a quilt. Two things that I don't think I would have done a year ago, heck even six months ago.
A lot of my new found bravery comes from the deployment I think. During those 10 months I learned a few things about myself. I learned that I can take care of a house and a sick baby by myself (ok, mostly by myself, mom and dad helped out too when they could). I really did not think that much good was going to come out of this deployment, but I was wrong. Sgt D and I are more open with each other now. With the readjustment period behind us, along with the readjustment arguing, we have learned to really communicate with each other and that is something for which I am very grateful. Yes we have spats, but we are also quicker to rein in our emotions and have adult conversations now. The deployment taught me that there are bigger things to fear in life than messing up some craft project, even if I did spend 10 or 15 hours working on said project. If I mess something up now, I either rip it apart and start over or I chalk it up to a good learning experience.
I am so very grateful for these lessons. While I am not looking forward to the coming separation AT ALL, at least I know that there is room for growth for both Sgt D and myself. I really do think, now that we have survived a deployment, that we truly can survive just about anything.
I have started taking risks and trying new things. Just tonight I free-motion quilted a new quilt that I DESIGNED for Toddler D. There are two major things in that last sentence. I free-motion quilted a quilt AND I designed a quilt. Two things that I don't think I would have done a year ago, heck even six months ago.
A lot of my new found bravery comes from the deployment I think. During those 10 months I learned a few things about myself. I learned that I can take care of a house and a sick baby by myself (ok, mostly by myself, mom and dad helped out too when they could). I really did not think that much good was going to come out of this deployment, but I was wrong. Sgt D and I are more open with each other now. With the readjustment period behind us, along with the readjustment arguing, we have learned to really communicate with each other and that is something for which I am very grateful. Yes we have spats, but we are also quicker to rein in our emotions and have adult conversations now. The deployment taught me that there are bigger things to fear in life than messing up some craft project, even if I did spend 10 or 15 hours working on said project. If I mess something up now, I either rip it apart and start over or I chalk it up to a good learning experience.
I am so very grateful for these lessons. While I am not looking forward to the coming separation AT ALL, at least I know that there is room for growth for both Sgt D and myself. I really do think, now that we have survived a deployment, that we truly can survive just about anything.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Gearing up
Easter is just around the corner, then Mother's Day, then we move into our home, then Father's Day, and before you know it I am going to turn 25! (At least 25 for those of you who can't count or don't know my birthday, for those of you who can count or do know my birthday, I maintain, 25!)
It seems like in the next 2.5 months our family has a lot going on, and then shortly thereafter we are losing Sgt D to the army once again. He will be going to GA for 6 months for AIT to change his job. This is going to be hard for us, but at the same time it will be so much easier than the deployment because this time around we will be able to talk almost every day and we will have access to google video chat and skype.
I am more concerned about the impact on Toddler D than anything else. She is finally used to her daddy and in complete and total love with him and then he is going to disappear again. How do I explain to her that he is coming back and that he still loves her unconditionally and nothing has changed permanently? These are questions I am worrying about now because I know August is coming fast and I am going to have to face these issues head on.
I just don't want to lose what we have worked so hard to build with her since he came home in September. Help me people, give me ideas on how to hold it together for her, especially as we get closer and closer to the terrible twos?
I don't want to lose this precious smile
It seems like in the next 2.5 months our family has a lot going on, and then shortly thereafter we are losing Sgt D to the army once again. He will be going to GA for 6 months for AIT to change his job. This is going to be hard for us, but at the same time it will be so much easier than the deployment because this time around we will be able to talk almost every day and we will have access to google video chat and skype.
I am more concerned about the impact on Toddler D than anything else. She is finally used to her daddy and in complete and total love with him and then he is going to disappear again. How do I explain to her that he is coming back and that he still loves her unconditionally and nothing has changed permanently? These are questions I am worrying about now because I know August is coming fast and I am going to have to face these issues head on.
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| Father Daughter Bonding |
I don't want to lose this precious smile
Monday, April 11, 2011
It looks like a house...
From the outside anyways!
The inside looks a little more like this...or at least it did last Wednesday when Sgt D went down for our walk through appointment.
The builder is working on the drywall right now so we can't go back into the house until April 25th, but believe me we will be there with bells on when we are allowed back in with more pictures to follow.
I am so excited I bought a book on decorating and can't wait to plan a shopping trip to IKEA and to my favorite fabric store.
The inside looks a little more like this...or at least it did last Wednesday when Sgt D went down for our walk through appointment.
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| View from garage looking into living room |
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| Under the stairs |
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| My kitchen! |
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| My sewing sanctuary |
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| Our front door |
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| Living room |
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| Toddler D's room |
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| Guest room - affectionately known as mom and dad's room |
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| Loft Upstairs |
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| Our Bedroom - if you look closely in the right back corner you can see the tub! |
I am so excited I bought a book on decorating and can't wait to plan a shopping trip to IKEA and to my favorite fabric store.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
This Old House
I grew up in an old house. I am going to say it is probably around 80 years old...well that isn't being entirely fair. The addition to the house is probably closer to 21 or 22 years old. Not exactly young for a house. I love my parents house. It has a lot of character. It has a completely finished attic, which when we originally went house hunting in 1992, my parents and I jokingly referred to as E's room (E is my older brother). Oddly enough he did end up living up there in his late teens - his choice. It has two garages, a his and hers if you will and you can tell the which one is which! When we moved in it had the UGLIEST wallpaper I had ever encountered in my life, it still holds the record 19 years later! Mom and dad quickly tore it down and have since repainted the entire room. It has a basement that has flooded at least once, a chimney that is literally strapped to the side of the house, and an awesome back yard with a spa (that mom and dad added when I was 15 - my high school friends loved parties at my house).
Sgt D and I are building our own home. We got to pick everything, right down to the style and brand of our toilet. Can you imagine making those choices? If we got the colors wrong we are stuck with them for a very long long time! We picked our fridge, our stove, our cabinets, the flooring, the counter tops, etc etc etc. It was exhausting. My parents even flew up one weekend to help us make some of the decision regarding electrical because neither Sgt D or I was qualified to make those choices on our own. Thanks mom and dad for always having our backs! We are going to have a cookie cutter home, the only character our house is going to have is what we bring to the table. I cannot wait to move in and start bringing some of our character into the house!
Here is a little picture collage of our house from the day we put up the SOLD sign on our lot through today. As of this afternoon our house has a roof and windows. It is really starting to look like a house!
Sgt D and I are building our own home. We got to pick everything, right down to the style and brand of our toilet. Can you imagine making those choices? If we got the colors wrong we are stuck with them for a very long long time! We picked our fridge, our stove, our cabinets, the flooring, the counter tops, etc etc etc. It was exhausting. My parents even flew up one weekend to help us make some of the decision regarding electrical because neither Sgt D or I was qualified to make those choices on our own. Thanks mom and dad for always having our backs! We are going to have a cookie cutter home, the only character our house is going to have is what we bring to the table. I cannot wait to move in and start bringing some of our character into the house!
Here is a little picture collage of our house from the day we put up the SOLD sign on our lot through today. As of this afternoon our house has a roof and windows. It is really starting to look like a house!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Do I Make You Proud?
This is a question that occupied my mind a lot growing up and into my adult years. The question was usually directed towards my parents. I wanted their approval, but more importantly, I wanted to make them proud. I wanted them to be able to proudly say to any person they met that I was their daughter. I still want to make my mom and dad proud, but these days I keep thinking about another person in my life that I want to make proud, Toddler D.
I am not seeking her approval, but I do want her to want to say "that is my mom and she is the best". I truly want to do everything in my power to make her proud to have me as a parent, mother, confidant and friend. I am proud of my parents. I think they are truly amazing people. To have gone as far in their lives as they have and to have accomplished all that they have professionally while neither of them possess college degrees is so impressive. It is, I'm sure, also part of the reason it was so important to them that I get my college degree, not because they thought it would put me above or ahead of anyone else, but rather so I wouldn't have to encounter many of the struggles that they faced in their professional careers. I am proud of them because they have been married since 1972. How many people these days can say that?!? And even more importantly, they are still in love! That makes me so proud of my parents because they never gave up on each other, even during the hard times. I don't really know if they had hard times but I assume that all marriages go through periods that are rougher than others. I am proud of the fact that they are STILL taking risks and chances. They travel to far off countries that I know they would never have gone to 20 years ago, but now they just buy a plane ticket and go.
That all being said, I have been thinking about this question: How do I make Toddler D proud? Is it my actions? Is it how I treat her, her daddy, the people in our lives? Is it having a job/career? Is it making beautiful things? What can I do that is going to make her proud to say that I'm her mommy.
This year, 2011, has become a year of self-improvement for me. Not because I set a New Year's Resolution, but simply because as the past three months have gone by I have come to recognize that there are things about myself that I want to change and improve upon, for no one other than me. This time though, I want to make a change for her. I want to go out of my way to act in ways that would make her proud, quite specifically treating others the way that I want to be treated. If I want to be respected then I need to act in a respectful manner at all times. This may very well be the hardest part of parenthood. When you are single or it is just you and your partner there really isn't anyone watching you, but when I see my little mimic I realize that she is watching my EVERY MOVE and it is time that I act in ways that I want her to mimic and learn.
I am not seeking her approval, but I do want her to want to say "that is my mom and she is the best". I truly want to do everything in my power to make her proud to have me as a parent, mother, confidant and friend. I am proud of my parents. I think they are truly amazing people. To have gone as far in their lives as they have and to have accomplished all that they have professionally while neither of them possess college degrees is so impressive. It is, I'm sure, also part of the reason it was so important to them that I get my college degree, not because they thought it would put me above or ahead of anyone else, but rather so I wouldn't have to encounter many of the struggles that they faced in their professional careers. I am proud of them because they have been married since 1972. How many people these days can say that?!? And even more importantly, they are still in love! That makes me so proud of my parents because they never gave up on each other, even during the hard times. I don't really know if they had hard times but I assume that all marriages go through periods that are rougher than others. I am proud of the fact that they are STILL taking risks and chances. They travel to far off countries that I know they would never have gone to 20 years ago, but now they just buy a plane ticket and go.
That all being said, I have been thinking about this question: How do I make Toddler D proud? Is it my actions? Is it how I treat her, her daddy, the people in our lives? Is it having a job/career? Is it making beautiful things? What can I do that is going to make her proud to say that I'm her mommy.
This year, 2011, has become a year of self-improvement for me. Not because I set a New Year's Resolution, but simply because as the past three months have gone by I have come to recognize that there are things about myself that I want to change and improve upon, for no one other than me. This time though, I want to make a change for her. I want to go out of my way to act in ways that would make her proud, quite specifically treating others the way that I want to be treated. If I want to be respected then I need to act in a respectful manner at all times. This may very well be the hardest part of parenthood. When you are single or it is just you and your partner there really isn't anyone watching you, but when I see my little mimic I realize that she is watching my EVERY MOVE and it is time that I act in ways that I want her to mimic and learn.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Success
Every time I think of the word "success" I think of the movie "The Secret to My Success" with Michael J. Fox at the very end when the song plays "The Secret of My Success". I love that song and actually whenever I need to spell the word the song plays in my head because they spell it out.
What the hell am I talking about?!?
I was just wondering how you measure success? I have found over the past few years that my measuring stick has changed. I used to measure it based on my job, my income, where I lived, etc. etc. That has all changed. I can't measure on most of those things anymore. My "job" is a stay at home mom, part-time photographer who isn't making any money, crafter/designer, and wife. I guess I can also add full-time student to that list as Toddler D teaches me something new every day. So how do I measure success in my life? Am I successful because Toddler D can put a puzzle together by herself? Am I successful because I designed her Easter basket entirely on my own?
I know I am not a failure at life, but I wonder if I can describe myself as successful at life? Thinking of the different people in my life I would definitely have to say that my parents have been very successful. They both have jobs that they have grown in and they have a beautiful home and family. Both of their kids are doing "okay" and they now have the freedom to travel the world which, when Sgt D isn't deployed, they do quite regularly with their traveling buddies.
I think I can honestly say that some things I have been very successful at and other things I have, in the words of Sgt D, "Super Failed" at. I can live with that. We learn from our failures and I am still learning from mine. One things is for sure...Toddler D was more than a success, she was a Super Success!
What the hell am I talking about?!?
I was just wondering how you measure success? I have found over the past few years that my measuring stick has changed. I used to measure it based on my job, my income, where I lived, etc. etc. That has all changed. I can't measure on most of those things anymore. My "job" is a stay at home mom, part-time photographer who isn't making any money, crafter/designer, and wife. I guess I can also add full-time student to that list as Toddler D teaches me something new every day. So how do I measure success in my life? Am I successful because Toddler D can put a puzzle together by herself? Am I successful because I designed her Easter basket entirely on my own?
I know I am not a failure at life, but I wonder if I can describe myself as successful at life? Thinking of the different people in my life I would definitely have to say that my parents have been very successful. They both have jobs that they have grown in and they have a beautiful home and family. Both of their kids are doing "okay" and they now have the freedom to travel the world which, when Sgt D isn't deployed, they do quite regularly with their traveling buddies.
I think I can honestly say that some things I have been very successful at and other things I have, in the words of Sgt D, "Super Failed" at. I can live with that. We learn from our failures and I am still learning from mine. One things is for sure...Toddler D was more than a success, she was a Super Success!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
7 Days Can Change A LOT!
Here is what our house looked like on Day 0
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| Big weed covered empty lot |
Here is what our house looked like on Day 1:
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| Big hole in the ground with a garage concrete slab |
Here is what our house looked like on Day 2:
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| Big shipment of wood and the beginnings of garage walls |
Here is what our house looked like on Day 7:
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| We have a second story!!! |
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| And a roof too!!! |
When I say seven days, I mean build days. Quadrant - the builder, does not work at all on weekends. Can you believe the progress from day 0 to day 7?!? These guys know what they are doing!
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Spoiled v. Blessed
Someone asked me the other day if I thought I was spoiled. I said "No, but I do think that I am a very blessed individual."
I think there is a fine line between being spoiled and being blessed. I think that when I was younger the argument could definitely be made that I was spoiled. My parents spoiled me, my God parents spoiled me, my boyfriend spoiled me, etc etc etc. I think as I have gotten older things have changed from being spoiled to being blessed. Don't get me wrong, my parents and God parents are still just as generous and giving to me, it is me that has changed.
I am a much more grateful person. I see now just how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do, and how lucky I am that they are in the positions they are in to help me and my family. I am so thankful for them and thankful for all that they do for me and that is where the difference lies. I now know what it means to be truly grateful and thankful for all that I have and all that I have been given.
As a child and teenager and even into my early twenties, I took a lot of things for granted. I took for granted that I went to private schools and that my tuition was for the most part entirely paid for. Yes, I worked while I was in college, but it wasn't to pay the bills, it was so that I could have spending money. Now, when I look back, I thank my lucky stars that my parents were in the financial position they were in and were able to send me to a top rated west coast university.
Knowing when you are blessed versus simply taking it all for granted, that is the difference between someone who is spoiled and someone who knows they have it good and is thankful to those that make their life possible.
A lot of people have made the quality of my life possible and I am grateful to each and every one of them. Thank you for blessing me all these years with your love and generosity. You know who you are and I cannot imagine my life without you in it, and I frankly don't want to either!
I think there is a fine line between being spoiled and being blessed. I think that when I was younger the argument could definitely be made that I was spoiled. My parents spoiled me, my God parents spoiled me, my boyfriend spoiled me, etc etc etc. I think as I have gotten older things have changed from being spoiled to being blessed. Don't get me wrong, my parents and God parents are still just as generous and giving to me, it is me that has changed.
I am a much more grateful person. I see now just how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do, and how lucky I am that they are in the positions they are in to help me and my family. I am so thankful for them and thankful for all that they do for me and that is where the difference lies. I now know what it means to be truly grateful and thankful for all that I have and all that I have been given.
As a child and teenager and even into my early twenties, I took a lot of things for granted. I took for granted that I went to private schools and that my tuition was for the most part entirely paid for. Yes, I worked while I was in college, but it wasn't to pay the bills, it was so that I could have spending money. Now, when I look back, I thank my lucky stars that my parents were in the financial position they were in and were able to send me to a top rated west coast university.
Knowing when you are blessed versus simply taking it all for granted, that is the difference between someone who is spoiled and someone who knows they have it good and is thankful to those that make their life possible.
A lot of people have made the quality of my life possible and I am grateful to each and every one of them. Thank you for blessing me all these years with your love and generosity. You know who you are and I cannot imagine my life without you in it, and I frankly don't want to either!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Foundations
Our foundation is being poured this week. Sgt D says he wants to buy a lawn chair and sit out front and supervise while they work. I told him that he wouldn't know if they were screwing up anyways, so he should just leave it to the professionals!
We are going to go down to the home site next weekend and will post pictures when we have them!!!
WOOT!
We are going to go down to the home site next weekend and will post pictures when we have them!!!
WOOT!
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Why I don't like Valentine's Day
Mainly I think it is a contrived holiday. I mean seriously how many relationships have been killed by the Valentine's Day Kiss of Death. The guy forgets to get the woman in his life flowers or a card or dinner reservations, and she, well she holds it against him until the end of time!
I'm not a fan for a whole lot of reasons, mainly I just don't enjoy the holiday. I would rather my husband tell me he loves me every day of the year rather than save it all up for Valentine's Day and our anniversary. I'm not saying a card wouldn't be nice, Sgt D is an amazing poet and I love when he writes me nice little notes in cards, but please don't go and blow our budget on some stupid gesture like roses that are just going to die in a week. That is not how I want our love represented, with something that has the life span of an ant!
So for all of you that are really looking forward to Valentine's Day, ask yourselves this question: Is the fact that he remembered to get you flowers or chocolates really a sign of his love, or does he demonstrate it daily throughout the year? Be honest with yourself now. I hope for the sake of your relationship he is showing you daily and not saving it all up for one frivolous day.
Sorry to be a killjoy, but I just don't like contrived holidays, in case you are wondering I'm not a big fan of Halloween either. Hopefully as Toddler D gets older, I can get more "in the spirit" so that she has a chance at enjoying the day.
I'm not a fan for a whole lot of reasons, mainly I just don't enjoy the holiday. I would rather my husband tell me he loves me every day of the year rather than save it all up for Valentine's Day and our anniversary. I'm not saying a card wouldn't be nice, Sgt D is an amazing poet and I love when he writes me nice little notes in cards, but please don't go and blow our budget on some stupid gesture like roses that are just going to die in a week. That is not how I want our love represented, with something that has the life span of an ant!
So for all of you that are really looking forward to Valentine's Day, ask yourselves this question: Is the fact that he remembered to get you flowers or chocolates really a sign of his love, or does he demonstrate it daily throughout the year? Be honest with yourself now. I hope for the sake of your relationship he is showing you daily and not saving it all up for one frivolous day.
Sorry to be a killjoy, but I just don't like contrived holidays, in case you are wondering I'm not a big fan of Halloween either. Hopefully as Toddler D gets older, I can get more "in the spirit" so that she has a chance at enjoying the day.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Taking the Plunge
No, I'm not going swimming.
For two reasons. First, it is only 31 degrees outside and second, I'm just not a very good swimmer (a fact that Sgt D thinks is funny considering I'm from CA).
What plunge am I/we taking?!?
We are buying a home and having it built up here in WA!
For two reasons. First, it is only 31 degrees outside and second, I'm just not a very good swimmer (a fact that Sgt D thinks is funny considering I'm from CA).
What plunge am I/we taking?!?
We are buying a home and having it built up here in WA!
There we are in front of our lot, and yes...that is a SOLD sign!
More blogs to follow on this adventure in our lives as we get to essentially design it from the ground up. Stay tuned!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Temper Temper
So I guess it is possible to say, and perhaps justifiably so, that I have a temper. A big bad hot temper. It could also be said that when someone sets off my temper that I go for the throat/kill shot. I do not know how to hold back when my temper goes off, I just say whatever comes to mind.
This is all quite unfortunate because if I have been irked for a few days at a person and they finally manage to put that tiny little straw on my already upset temper and it snaps I unleash everything I was balling up inside of me in one fell swoop. Maybe you could compare me to a sleepy lioness or tigress. I am pretty to look at from afar, but do not upset me or I will use my jaws to rip out your jugular and then I will eat you for my mid-day snack.
In fact my temper is so bad at times that Sgt D actually remarked today that there are times when he wonders which one of us actually deployed to Afghanistan, seeing as his anger issues are at times nothing compared to mine.
Obviously this is something I need to work on. Mainly because this time next year I am going to have a two year old and GOD FORBID I unleash my temper on her. Mind you my temper is not of the violent type. Simply the type where I need to learn to hold my tongue in my mouth and breath for 10 minutes prior to speaking.
NOTE: I am not putting this out there for advice or for funny jokes at my expense, I am merely holding myself accountable for the things I do and trying to better myself for my wonderful family. They deserve a wife and mommy that is nice and can keep a civil tongue in her head.
This is all quite unfortunate because if I have been irked for a few days at a person and they finally manage to put that tiny little straw on my already upset temper and it snaps I unleash everything I was balling up inside of me in one fell swoop. Maybe you could compare me to a sleepy lioness or tigress. I am pretty to look at from afar, but do not upset me or I will use my jaws to rip out your jugular and then I will eat you for my mid-day snack.
In fact my temper is so bad at times that Sgt D actually remarked today that there are times when he wonders which one of us actually deployed to Afghanistan, seeing as his anger issues are at times nothing compared to mine.
Obviously this is something I need to work on. Mainly because this time next year I am going to have a two year old and GOD FORBID I unleash my temper on her. Mind you my temper is not of the violent type. Simply the type where I need to learn to hold my tongue in my mouth and breath for 10 minutes prior to speaking.
NOTE: I am not putting this out there for advice or for funny jokes at my expense, I am merely holding myself accountable for the things I do and trying to better myself for my wonderful family. They deserve a wife and mommy that is nice and can keep a civil tongue in her head.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Settling back in
Some days it feels like this deployment and reintegration period will never be over. We are still settling back in to a routine and to each other. There are times when I see my husband and wonder where he has been, then there are times when I see him and wonder who the person is standing in front of me.
We have both been changed so much by this deployment. I know I have become even more hard headed and independent (for those of you who know me it may be hard to believe that I could be EVEN more hard headed). I know how I like things and how I want things done and it is so hard for me to let go of the simplest of routines. I am trying though. I have stepped almost completely out of bath time, that is no longer one of my things. I give Toddler D and Sgt D their time together every night, it is good for all three of us I think.
Sgt D has become angry and short tempered. Luckily I am the only one who gets the brunt of this, whether deservedly or not. I hope that he finds a way to channel his anger into something positive. Lately he has channeled it towards committing mass murder on his COD Black Ops game. Better he channel it towards fake people than towards us. Sometimes it takes a lot to set him off and sometimes it takes something as stupid (now this is my opinion) as his football team losing and he is like an atomic bomb. Just get out of his way!
My biggest hope is that I am more of a help bringing him around to a happy place again rather than a hindrance. Each night we hang out for about an hour after Toddler D goes to bed and then we each do our own thing for about an hour. I have been working on my unfinished projects bin (pictures to be posted upon completion of said projects) and he has been doing his video game thing or watching random television shows. I think in some ways the space is a really good thing for us, but what is most important is that we no longer feel the need to spend every waking moment together. We have grown. Each of us doing the things that make us happy individually helps us to be happier with each other.
We will continue to settle back in, and I'm sure by the time we are as close to 100% as we are going to get the army is going to throw something completely new at us and we will start a brand new readjustment period.
We have both been changed so much by this deployment. I know I have become even more hard headed and independent (for those of you who know me it may be hard to believe that I could be EVEN more hard headed). I know how I like things and how I want things done and it is so hard for me to let go of the simplest of routines. I am trying though. I have stepped almost completely out of bath time, that is no longer one of my things. I give Toddler D and Sgt D their time together every night, it is good for all three of us I think.
Sgt D has become angry and short tempered. Luckily I am the only one who gets the brunt of this, whether deservedly or not. I hope that he finds a way to channel his anger into something positive. Lately he has channeled it towards committing mass murder on his COD Black Ops game. Better he channel it towards fake people than towards us. Sometimes it takes a lot to set him off and sometimes it takes something as stupid (now this is my opinion) as his football team losing and he is like an atomic bomb. Just get out of his way!
My biggest hope is that I am more of a help bringing him around to a happy place again rather than a hindrance. Each night we hang out for about an hour after Toddler D goes to bed and then we each do our own thing for about an hour. I have been working on my unfinished projects bin (pictures to be posted upon completion of said projects) and he has been doing his video game thing or watching random television shows. I think in some ways the space is a really good thing for us, but what is most important is that we no longer feel the need to spend every waking moment together. We have grown. Each of us doing the things that make us happy individually helps us to be happier with each other.
We will continue to settle back in, and I'm sure by the time we are as close to 100% as we are going to get the army is going to throw something completely new at us and we will start a brand new readjustment period.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Fears
I have always felt that fears fall into two categories, rational and irrational.
It is amazing how much my fears changed in 2010 and have evolved once again in 2011.
2010 Rational Fears:
1. My husband's job could literally have be the death of him (this was completely rational seeing as he was deployed to Afghanistan). In 2011, this is less of a concern. He is home and for the most part whole. War changes people for good and for bad, I can live with those changes because I (for the time being) do not have to live with the fear of what his job might do to him and our family.
2. My daughters health issues getting worse. Year one was not always a smooth path for Toddler D. Health wise she seemed to take more after mommy than daddy. In 2011, however, we are going to focus on the positives and not panic about health concerns unless they become a problem.
2011 Rational Fears:
1. Another deployment. This one is somewhat irrational because Sgt D already has a report date for Army School and unless World War 3 breaks out (God forbid) I do not really see this one coming to fruition.
Irrational Fears:
1. Spiders: I am afraid of them, but really...I can defend myself.
2. Dogs: I just do not like dogs. I do not mind dogs I know, but all other dogs can just walk on the opposite side of the street as far as I am concerned.
I used to be a lot more afraid, in fact, I think if I had tried to write this list 2 years ago it would have gone on for pages. 2010 taught me so much about myself and my family. I know in my heart that I can handle just about anything so long as I have the support of loved ones. I do not think that my rational fears will go away, at least not for 14.5 more years when Sgt D retires from the army, and I do not know a single parent that does not worry about their child's health. However, I do not view this as a problem either, have a little bit of fear is healthy, living in fear, now that is when you know there is a problem.
It is amazing how much my fears changed in 2010 and have evolved once again in 2011.
2010 Rational Fears:
1. My husband's job could literally have be the death of him (this was completely rational seeing as he was deployed to Afghanistan). In 2011, this is less of a concern. He is home and for the most part whole. War changes people for good and for bad, I can live with those changes because I (for the time being) do not have to live with the fear of what his job might do to him and our family.
2. My daughters health issues getting worse. Year one was not always a smooth path for Toddler D. Health wise she seemed to take more after mommy than daddy. In 2011, however, we are going to focus on the positives and not panic about health concerns unless they become a problem.
2011 Rational Fears:
1. Another deployment. This one is somewhat irrational because Sgt D already has a report date for Army School and unless World War 3 breaks out (God forbid) I do not really see this one coming to fruition.
Irrational Fears:
1. Spiders: I am afraid of them, but really...I can defend myself.
2. Dogs: I just do not like dogs. I do not mind dogs I know, but all other dogs can just walk on the opposite side of the street as far as I am concerned.
I used to be a lot more afraid, in fact, I think if I had tried to write this list 2 years ago it would have gone on for pages. 2010 taught me so much about myself and my family. I know in my heart that I can handle just about anything so long as I have the support of loved ones. I do not think that my rational fears will go away, at least not for 14.5 more years when Sgt D retires from the army, and I do not know a single parent that does not worry about their child's health. However, I do not view this as a problem either, have a little bit of fear is healthy, living in fear, now that is when you know there is a problem.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Happy 2011!
I hope everyone had a happy, safe and healthy Holiday Season. We were for the most part happy and safe, the healthy part we got to eventually. There was a short bout of gastroenteritis that struck the family but the family that gets sick together stays together.
To celebrate 2011, the year that I turn the big three oh (30), by writing my bucket list. My rules for myself were to make the items on my list things that were reasonably achievable and things that I have always talked about doing. I feel that if it is in writing that maybe I will actually accomplish them and hold myself accountable to them.
Here is my list (they are numbered but they are in no particular order):
1. Finish my Master's Degree (if I am feeling really jazzy, I would also like to complete a PhD as well)
2. See Italy
3. See France
4. See Greece
5. See the United Kingdom
6. Make a crazy quilt (hand sewing to required)
7. Learn how to sew clothes (I know it is in my blood, it is time I tapped that part of my DNA!)
8. Learn how to play the piano (life long desire)
9. See the Northern Lights
10. Visit the Vatican
11. Learn to meditate
12. Own my own home
13. Go on vacation/honeymoon (we never really had one) with just Sgt D
14. Get some of my photography published somewhere
15. Hike to the top of Half Dome (Sgt D promised to help me make this one happen)
This list could go on forever I am sure, but as I said I wanted them to be reasonable and things I could actually accomplish in my life time. I hope to do more than the 15 things listed above, but this is a good starting point for me.
What's on your bucket list?
To celebrate 2011, the year that I turn the big three oh (30), by writing my bucket list. My rules for myself were to make the items on my list things that were reasonably achievable and things that I have always talked about doing. I feel that if it is in writing that maybe I will actually accomplish them and hold myself accountable to them.
Here is my list (they are numbered but they are in no particular order):
1. Finish my Master's Degree (if I am feeling really jazzy, I would also like to complete a PhD as well)
2. See Italy
3. See France
4. See Greece
5. See the United Kingdom
6. Make a crazy quilt (hand sewing to required)
7. Learn how to sew clothes (I know it is in my blood, it is time I tapped that part of my DNA!)
8. Learn how to play the piano (life long desire)
9. See the Northern Lights
10. Visit the Vatican
11. Learn to meditate
12. Own my own home
13. Go on vacation/honeymoon (we never really had one) with just Sgt D
14. Get some of my photography published somewhere
15. Hike to the top of Half Dome (Sgt D promised to help me make this one happen)
This list could go on forever I am sure, but as I said I wanted them to be reasonable and things I could actually accomplish in my life time. I hope to do more than the 15 things listed above, but this is a good starting point for me.
What's on your bucket list?
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