Friday, July 24, 2009

Sacrifice

When I became an army wife I knew that I was going to have to make multiple sacrifices. For instance: being able to choose where I want to live, potentially never being able to have a stable career, time with my husband when he is deployed or in the field. I knew all these things when I said "I do", heck, I knew them when I said yes to his proposal.

Some days are harder than others though. I consider myself a pretty strong minded independent person and I hate relinquishing control over any aspect of my life to anyone. It is hard to say, "Ok, tell me what to do next and I'll do anything you say." In fact, saying that is damn near impossible for me. I want to have a say, I want to have a vote, and more importantly I just want to be heard.

That is not a reality when you are married to someone in the military. You lose your vote on all the things you once held as sacred and all you are left with is how you will handle the situation. Will you handle it with grace and dignity? Will you become angry and bitter? Will you become the army wife that most civilians think of - the cheating rotten human being who does not care about the sacrifice their spouse is making for them and their country?

I want so bad to be able to handle all this with grace and dignity. I am beginning to realize that at times it is absolutely necessary to put it in the hands of God and trust that he will take care of me and my family. When you are somewhat of a control-freak...that can be a major challenge. Please be patient with me while I struggle to become worthy of the challenge.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Projects

With Sgt D away and the fact that I'm not working I have needed to find things to do to occupy my mind and my time. I am currently enrolled in three online courses, and after this experience I have no intention of ever taking another online course again. It is, however, a means to an end, and once I complete these three courses I will be one step closer to completing my Masters degree. I am also working on a knitted blanket for Baby D. It is super cute in blue and green stripes (no, the colors have nothing to do with whether Baby D is a boy or girl, I just happen to like them). Pictures to follow when I finish it.



While I've been home my mom helped me pick out fabric for a quilt I would like to make for Sgt D. Oddly enough it too is in blues and greens. I think he is really going to like it when he sees it. All my fabric is washed, starched, ironed and ready for cutting. Hopefully it will not take me forever to make. My mom and I have also been working on curtains for Baby D's new bedroom. My mom had this jungle print in her closet for who knows how many years and it is perfect because we decided to go with a jungle theme for the baby room.

Today though is going to be the best distraction of all, and while it does not fit into the category of projects I think it bears mentioning. I'm going to see Harry Potter! Can't wait :)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

I just got back from a Giants game, even though I live in Washington I've still managed to attend two so far this season, and one was in Washington! The first game was the Giants against the Mariners, and while the Mariners won (every dog has their day) it was still an awesome game. My parents flew up for the weekend, and Sgt D, my parents and I all went together. It was the first time that my dad went to a ballgame at a "foreign stadium", so that was pretty cool.

Today I went to a game with a friend from elementary school. We had a good time even though the Giants got stomped. Oh well, they won 7 of their last 10, so they are still tops in my book. My friend was wonderful, the game was for my birthday and while we were there, she bought a tee for Baby D. It says "My first Giants Tee" on it and is super cute. Can't wait to try it on our little one...although i am going to have to wait another 4 months for that to happen.

The rest of my stay in California looks like it is going to be just as fun as the first week was. I am going to have dinner at my favorite restaurant tomorrow and spend Thursday and Friday with my mom. On Saturday I get to see my extended family including my niece and nephew, which I am really looking forward to. I brought down one of Sgt D's old BDU uniforms to give to my nephew. He is a cutie, whenever I talk to him he always asks me how Uncle GI Joe is doing. I'm not even sure if he knows Sgt D's name at this point, but Uncle GI Joe is so cute that I don't have the heart to correct him.

More later in the week....

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Normal fears

Sgt D is deploying soon. In order to get ready for that deployment he is going to the field for a month. This is the longest we will be apart since we got married. To top it off, I'm also 20.5 weeks pregnant, which means our little bundle of joy has begun to turn my insides into a one-sided kicking contest, and Baby D is definitely winning. I decided that during the first part of his training I would come to California for a visit, which I'm glad I did because I am usually so busy here that I don't have much time to think about just how much I miss him until I go to bed and right when I wake up in the morning.

One thing that is really hard though is that Sgt D did not get to feel Baby D move before I left, he got to see it on my last night, but not feel it. This has just about broken my heart. It makes me think of all the other "firsts" that are going to be missed in the coming year. I know that it is important not to focus on this, but it is on my mind and I can't really help it. I am reminding myself that I need to be strong, which I am, but sometimes I wish that I didn't have to be. Oh well, this is the life of an army wife and a soon to be army brat. We will get through and we will support Sgt D 110% during this deployment and whatever else the army may have in store for us.