Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Clearly She's Thriving

The past 4 months I have heard "clearly she's thriving" a lot. I have heard it from doctors and even from friends and family. It has always been after I have told someone that Baby D has been bleeding in her stool since Christmas. Believe it or not, hearing "clearly she's thriving" evokes a very powerful angry and frustrated response from me. The first thing I think is that yes, my daughter is gaining weight, in fact she isn't even 6 months yet and already weighs 18 pounds. The second thing I think is would you be saying the same thing if it was your child? NO!

I'm sure that the people who have said this to me did not mean to upset me, rather, they were probably trying to reassure me. The problem is, nothing is going to reassure any mother when their child is bleeding from an unknown cause and it takes 4 months to get definitive reasons as to the cause.

Tomorrow is our follow up appointment with the pediatric GI specialist and we will hopefully finally get some answers. I am particularly happy because my parents are coming with me and I think the doctor will treat me with a little bit more respect with them present. Wish us luck!

Monday, April 19, 2010

The "In" Crowd

It is very easy to feel isolated living up here, so far away from family and friends, especially with Sgt D deployed. Sometimes I feel as though I am back in high school and I am not part of the "in" crowd.

The "in" crowd is that group of army wives from our unit that get together at least once a week to commiserate and what not. I have never been invited to any of these get togethers, and occasionally that really gets to me, especially since I am supposedly friends with several of the women who attend. I do not know why I let it get to me, considering the fact that in all likely hood I would never go myself. I am not one for idle gossip and I stick to Baby D's bedtime routine as if my life depended on it...mainly because my sleep does. All that aside, it does not make the fact that I am blatantly left out every week hurt any less.

I guess I will just have to continue to remind myself that if these women cannot be bothered to include me then maybe they are not really my friends after all. I graduated from high school 11 years ago and sometimes it feels as though I will be stuck in 3rd period English forever!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Naked Baby

Baby D likes to be naked.

In fact, that might just be the understatement of the year, she LOVES to be naked. Put her in just a diaper and her whole personality changes. She becomes this baby who loves to move and explore. She becomes more vocal and smiles even more often.

The only problem with her loving nudity, is that when it becomes absolutely necessary to wear clothes, like when we have to go out, at naptime or at bedtime, she screams her head off. I mean, you would think that I was trying to cut her toes off with gardening shears.

I can't wait to see how Sgt D reacts to his daughters love of nudity when he comes home!




Sunday, April 11, 2010

Moral Support

I am very blessed. I get moral support from just about everyone in my life, in fact I can't think of one person who is not in my corner (at least in some form or another). Part of that is the people I choose to surround myself with, the other part of it is...I guess there is no other part, I simply have amazing people in my life. I have my wonderful husband, who I miss desperately. I have my parents, my god parents, my in-laws, and true friends who sometimes seem more like family than friends.

I received a letter in the mail from my husband yesterday and it made me cry. Not because it was bad news, and not because I was missing him horribly (which I always am), but because he said exactly what I so desperately needed someone to say. That I am a good mom. I have heard it from friends, and I hear it all the time from my mom, but to hear it from him somehow made it feel more true. He is not even here to see or know all that Baby D and I go through each day, but somehow he just knew what I needed.

I would like to thank all the wonderful people in my life for being there. Even when I am being moronically stupid and self-deprecating. Thank you for putting up with me and for all the joy, love and support that you bring into my life...you know who you are :)

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Bad News

How do you break bad news to some one who is thousands of miles away? I mean, if I tell Sgt D about something terrible that happened or is happening, what good does it do? Yes, he does know about it, but does it also make him feel somehow powerless? He is thousands of miles away and is not able to do anything about it other than listen and then sit on the FOB feeling guilty that he is not here to help. Even if his being here would not change anything, I'm sure he feels somehow helpless, I know I would.

So how do you do it? How would you tell someone about a bad thing that has happened in their civilian life? I just do not know how to do it in a way that is not going to end up causing even more damage than necessary...