Saturday, March 20, 2010

What's in a name?

EVERYTHING!!!

Baby D knows her name! She is only 18 weeks and 2 days old and she knows her name. One of my proudest mommy moments yet! I confirmed it by the fact that she turned her head away from the television when I called her name so I could take her picture. She did this not just once, but twice!

I cannot wait for Sgt D to call so I can tell him about his baby girl!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Sleep

Sleep. It is precious. I would even go so far as to say that it is sacred, and I certainly do not think that until 18 weeks ago I gave sleep the kind of respect that it deserves.

Sleep rejuvenates us, helps us to stay healthy and fight off illness. It helps us maintain our sanity during times of stress (both emotional and physical). It is good for us on so many levels and I honestly never gave it much thought until recently.

AnneMarie is like any typical baby her age (18 weeks). She gets tired after a few hours and needs to take a nap. She usually takes 2 or 3 a day. Nighttime sleep is a whole different story. She will fall asleep anywhere between 6 and 8 pm, and wakes up like clockwork at 11:30 pm for a "midnight" feeding. Then the rest of the night is in someone else's hands. Take last night for example: she was up at 11:20 pm for her "midnight" feeding, and then fell promptly back to sleep. At 1:51 am she was back awake. She wasn't hungry, she just wanted a playmate. I went in after 20 plus minutes of fussing that turned into full blown screaming/crying with tears and nursed her to what I thought was asleep. Boy was I wrong, as soon as I was back in my room and halfway into my bed...she was fussing/screaming again. I went back to her room to try to rock her down and she was not having it. She smiled at me and stared at me expectantly for 20 minutes as if to say "Are we going to play now?" I finally put her down, took the baby monitor, went into my office, turned off the monitor and fell asleep while she fussed. I woke up an hour later, turned the monitor back on and she was asleep. AnneMarie then slept until 6:23am, nursed herself back to sleep and remains in her bed now.

I realize that according to all kinds of different "sleep experts" there are probably a thousand opinions on the different things I did "wrong" last night, but you know what...I'm alone, with no help to speak of, no support in just letting her cry it out in the middle of the night (or anytime of day really) and I had to do what I had to do. She isn't going to be helped by an exhausted mommy and she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. (At least that is what I told myself 1000 times before I turned the monitor off.)

I can't wait until that wonderful morning where I wake up at 6am and lay there in awe and wonderment at the fact that my little girl made it a whole night.

Sleep is precious people!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Home

Home has come to have new meaning for me. Home used to be where I grew up, where my parents were and all the people I went to school with. Now home is where Sgt D is (even though he isn't here right now). I spent 4 weeks at "home" with my parents, and the whole time I just felt as though there was this hole in my heart. I got back to my own house yesterday and even though Sgt D is not here, this really feels like home.

All of our memories are in this house, all of his things, our furniture, our bed, our computer, but most importantly, he is here. I can get up every morning and see his boots lined up under our counter and I know I'm home. I can open our closet and see all of his clothes and know I'm home. I can open my eyes in the morning and see all of his war books lined up on top of his dresser and know that I'm home. Somehow, being in California and him not being there makes it feel less like home. I guess that is because Sgt D is such a major part of my definition of home now.

Don't get me wrong, I loved visiting with my parents. I have missed them every day since I moved up here, but there is just something different about being there versus being here, and that difference is Sgt D.