Thursday, July 15, 2010

He leads, She follows


Being married to someone in the military is like being a dancer I would imagine. The soldier (usually a guy) leads and the spouse follows. 
That in mind, I am not much of a dancer, my dance experience and moves pretty much haven’t developed past middle school when you had your hands around your dates neck, he had his hands on your hips and you simply swayed back and forth.  The army though requires much more skill in their dances. They require you to be able to spin, twirl, do ballet leaps, sometimes dance on your toes, etc.  They also demand that you be able to switch styles mid routine.  In other words once you finally have the Cha Cha down you have to switch to Contemporary, and once you have that routine down, they suddenly switch the song to rap and you have to Crump. 
That is what it is like for a military family. The song is constantly changing and there is not always time to discuss what move you are going to do next. You may have your heart set on a simple lift and he decides to spin you across the room on your toes instead.  You have to adjust and make it happen, while also making it look easy and being graceful.  Not the easiest thing in the world, but that is what military wives do, we make it look easy.  We hold our heads up, smile and adjust our steps to the beat of the newest music playing in the background. 
I am adjusting. I think until my soldier is back in my arms I will continue to adjust to the beat, and after he is home we will start practicing a new routine…that is until the army changes the song again.

(This post is dedicated to my soldier, I cannot wait for him to come home so we can dance together again - this long distance dancing is for the birds!)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Scared to DEATH!!!

Baby D started crawling today.  I am torn between being a super proud mommy and being scared to DEATH!  She is officially hyper-mobile and the world is her oyster.  This is a good thing for her development, discovery, etc etc. This is a bad thing for someone who is staying in a two-story house that has NEVER been childproofed and someone who is returning to their own home in a couple of weeks which also has not been childproofed. 

It is scary to think that Baby D can now pretty much get wherever she wants to go, and even scarier to think that in a month or two she will be walking/running to get there.

Life has officially changed FOREVER!!!

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Happy 4th of July

I would just like to take a moment of my faithful readers time to thank my husband and the men and women he serves with for my freedom.  You make my life possible and I am so grateful for all that you do.

Sgt D you are my own personal American Hero and I love you with all my heart.

Your baby girl loves you too!

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Change

Things change. They change all the time. In fact, change is the only real constant in life. As soon as you think you have one thing figured out it changes.  My life didn't really change today, not for better or worse, but I did make an observation about one aspect of my life, my relationships.  I have found that in the last several years a lot of the relationships that I have had all of my life have changed.  It makes me sad when I think of how those relationships have changed, and the more I think about the topic the more I realize that it isn't the relationships so much that have changed, but rather it is me that has changed.

I don't want to think that I have outgrown a relationship or a person, but maybe I just don't have the same need for certain relationships anymore. Maybe the void those relationships were filling has simply been filled with something new and I am no longer dependent on them for whatever purpose they previously served in my life. I don't know.  What I do know is that I have grown a lot and my life has pulled me in a different direction.  I know that my life will continue to change in numerous ways, maybe one day my life will change in such a way as to bring those lost relationships back into my life. Until then...I have other things in my life to fill my time and share my love with and that thought makes me very happy.

Friday, July 02, 2010

Good Bye 20s

Today I turned 29. Which means that my 20s are officially over. Starting tomorrow I will be on the journey towards 30.  I can only imagine the crap that Sgt D is going to give me next year on my birthday. 

This past year was probably one of the happiest and saddest of my life.  This time last year my dad flew up to Washington to drive me down to California for a few weeks while Sgt D was in the field in Yakima.  The best present I received last year was from Baby D, she kicked my belly so hard that night that Sgt D was able to see her move for the first time. It was such a great gift :) 

In my 29th year I went to California 4 times. It was a record for me since getting married. I got to show Sgt D one of my favorite place in California, Lake Tahoe. He loved it so much that he asked my family if we could all go camping up there when he gets home. If that happens I have a feeling that my parents will be camping in a hotel and we will be in a tent. 

The best part of the year was November 12, 2009 at 13:26. Baby D was born and I got to share the experience with my two best friends, my husband and my mother.  She has brought so much joy into my life and I have loved watching her grow, change and discover these past 7.5 months. 

I have made some wonderful friends this past year and I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned just how much I can handle on my own and I have learned that it is ok to ask for help.  Asking for help is a hard thing for most people to do and I have learned that people cannot read your mind and will not step in/up unless you ask them to. Lucky for me there are lots of people in my life who can and will step up for me :)  I am blessed.

This has also been the hardest year of my life. I had a very difficult pregnancy, and was so excited for it to be OVER!  I have to say I will never understand women who say they love being pregnant. I most definitely loved it being over.  The saddest part of the year was on January 2, 2010, exactly 6 months ago. It was the day that Baby D and I had to say good-bye to Sgt D.  I've never had to do something so difficult in my life and I will be so happy when this deployment and war are over and behind us.

This next year I am looking forward to so much. I am looking forward to a wonderful homecoming for Sgt D. I can't wait to cook dinner for him, laugh at his dry sense of humor and fall asleep in his arms. I am looking forward to Baby D's first birthday in November.  I am looking forward to the first time Baby D sleeps through the night! I can't wait for that night, but alas, I know I will have to be patient.  I am looking forward to spending some time with both of our families over the holidays. We haven't spent the Christmas with my family ever since getting married, so I am really looking forward to it. 

Mostly though, I am just looking forward to having my entire family together again. I miss being under one roof. This whole waiting for the phone to ring is for the birds.  I hope 30 will be my best year yet, I'm not afraid of it I am looking forward to it :)

Thursday, July 01, 2010

How do I do it?

A friend of mine who is recently married asked me "how do you do it?" Her husband travels for work and is often away for upwards of a month at a time.  She wanted to know how I can possibly handle this deployment, especially with a new (well not really so new now) baby and all.  I told her that it is not for the faint of heart.  It takes patience, love, forgiveness (not him, but the army), and something to keep you busy - lucky for me I have Baby D and she takes up ALL of my time.

Deployments are hard and as I have said before, it would be only to easy to let this deployment beat us.  I could give in to the loneliness, the hate, the anger that I feel - the hate and the anger are directed towards the army, the war, the leaders.  I could give in to all of those things, I could wallow in them and be a very unpleasant person to be around. Or I could do what I am doing already. I can try to be the best mommy for Baby D and the best friend and partner to Sgt D.  Neither or them needs or wants me to be angry or depressed all of the time.

I guess the simplest answer to"how do I do it?" is that I simply go on. I face everyday with the knowledge that Sgt D will be home eventually and we will move forward with our lives.  Yes it sucks to be apart, more that I can possibly describe, but it is temporary.  That is the part I focus on.  Nothing more nothing less.