Sunday, February 28, 2010

2 months down

SGT D has been gone for two months and here's what I've learned:

1. The term friendship means different things to different people. It is a lot more flexible for some people than others.

2. I am stronger than I ever imagined - both physically and emotionally. It is amazing what you can accomplish when there are no men around to help you... Not to mention when you have a 16 lb baby to carry around everywhere.

3. Family is important - and the definition of family is flexible. You can surround yourself with people who become an extended family when yours cannot be there.

4. Smiles are priceless and one smile in the morning can make up for an entire night of screaming :D

5. You can either let a deployment beat you or you can beat a deployment. It is all about attitude and outlook. If you face it as only a year and lately the years have been flying by at lightening speed, then it really is not that long.

6. You can accomplish more than you ever thought possible if you empower yourself. Give yourself permission to solve problems on your own and you will be able to! So far I have filed our taxes, sold and bought a car on my own. Next month...paying off Sgt D's truck!

7. It is ok to let yourself feel down once in awhile. You do not have to be a rock all the time, give yourself permission to cry, just do not make it an every day occurrence or the deployment will begin to beat you and you cannot allow that!

8. Grandparents are awesome! As are next door neighbors!

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

I just need a second...

Lately, I feel like I need to ask permission to bitch. As though I need to preface my rant with "I just need to get this off my chest, please do not try to compare your issues with mine, just let me speak my peace so I can move on."

Sometimes I just need to rant, when I am particularly upset about something I just want to be able to complain, rant and rave until I have gotten it out of my system. It usually does not take long, and I am only looking for an ear, a shoulder, a friend. I have found, however, that lately if I have something I need to get off my chest, certain friends (not anyone that reads this blog), feel the need to tell me that my situation is not that bad, and they have experienced something to much worse, or they know someone who has. I do not know how to tell these people that I do not really care about what they have gone through, or what someone else has gone through, that I am more concerned with myself, my baby girl and my husband right now. Is it really that hard to just listen and be empathetic?

I think what other people do not understand is that unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really cannot compare experiences. The best you can do is listen and if (and only if) asked provide helpful suggestions. Do not try to compare, as I cannot possibly exactly understand what someone else is experiencing, you cannot truly understand my pain. All I need is for you to please be a good friend and listen. Thank you.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

A Pain You Cannot Make Go Away

Today I had to take my little baby girl to the hospital for some tests. She has been having blood in her diapers for over a month and the first three times we went to the doctor (including one ER visit last Friday) the doctors said that she had anal fissures (tears in her bottom). I had a hard time believing that so I took her back to the doctor today, and low and behold, the doctor agreed with me that there was no tears and there must be another cause for the blood.

The doctor said that we needed to run tests for baby anemia because she has been losing blood for a month. This is incredibly dangerous because anemia in a baby so young can cause developmental delays. They are also testing her for food allergies, because she is breastfed only it is possible that she is allergic to something that I am eating. I am hoping to get answers pronto.

It was the worst day ever, 1000 times worse then when she got her vaccines. They had to use three different veins to get blood out of her, and they finally had to squeeze the blood out of her hand. She cried and screamed the entire time. I felt so helpless. I now know that the hardest part of being a mom is when your baby is in pain and you cannot make that pain go away.