We have not even left yet and I already think I hate traveling with a toddler. Thus far we have packed a suitcase for her, one for us, a footlocker, one tub of toys, one tub of Christmas presents (mind you we are just playing delivery boys as they belong to my mother), one pack and play, and one stroller. This does not include a bag of snacks, the cooler full of milk and a second bag full of car toys and her babies. They only thing we haven't packed in the kitchen sink!
The biggest question in our minds is just how long is Toddler D going to tolerate being in the car tomorrow. Will we make it to Roseburg, OR or even further? Gone are the days when Sgt D and I could just get in the car and drive to our destination with little more than fast food stops, gas stops, and potty breaks.
I am not looking forward to having to entertain a one-year-old who hates being trapped in the car seat for this 780 mile trip. I already know there will be lots of screaming and crying and it makes me worried about how Sgt D will handle the joy that is traveling with a little one as he has yet to experience it.
My next post will be from California!
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Friends
It seems to me that lately I have become more aware of just how blessed I am by the wonderful people who surround me. Our family is truly blessed with the most wonderful friends and adopted family.
I know that if you can count your friends on one hand you are pretty darn lucky and I can honestly say that I find myself using both hands these days. I have friends that I talk to every day, friends that I see every week, and friends that I know if I did not talk to them for a year and I called them at 3 in the morning they would pick up the phone and our relationship would start right back where we left off. That is pretty special.
Good friendships I have found are hard to come by, in fact, I'm not sure that every person knows how to be a good friend or what a real friendship feels like. To me it feels like my favorite sweatshirt that I cannot live without. It is the sweatshirt that is stylish no matter what the current fashion trend happens to be and it always fits, even if you have not seen it in six months or a year.
One of the hardest parts about being a military spouse at the beginning of my army wife career was being afraid to make any friends. I was always afraid that as soon as I made a friend we would have to pick up and leave, but I have learned over the course of the past year (deployments sure do teach you a lot), that true friendships will travel with you, regardless of what part of the world you end up in. Thank God for modern technology: skype, email, and free long distance!
To all the wonderful ladies who have become an extended family to us this year, thank you! I love each and every one of you! To all of my friends who were with me before the deployment, I will continue to lean on you as I always have and I hope you will continue to lean back...I do not want to fall :)
I know that if you can count your friends on one hand you are pretty darn lucky and I can honestly say that I find myself using both hands these days. I have friends that I talk to every day, friends that I see every week, and friends that I know if I did not talk to them for a year and I called them at 3 in the morning they would pick up the phone and our relationship would start right back where we left off. That is pretty special.
Good friendships I have found are hard to come by, in fact, I'm not sure that every person knows how to be a good friend or what a real friendship feels like. To me it feels like my favorite sweatshirt that I cannot live without. It is the sweatshirt that is stylish no matter what the current fashion trend happens to be and it always fits, even if you have not seen it in six months or a year.
One of the hardest parts about being a military spouse at the beginning of my army wife career was being afraid to make any friends. I was always afraid that as soon as I made a friend we would have to pick up and leave, but I have learned over the course of the past year (deployments sure do teach you a lot), that true friendships will travel with you, regardless of what part of the world you end up in. Thank God for modern technology: skype, email, and free long distance!
To all the wonderful ladies who have become an extended family to us this year, thank you! I love each and every one of you! To all of my friends who were with me before the deployment, I will continue to lean on you as I always have and I hope you will continue to lean back...I do not want to fall :)
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thanksgiving
This year I have so much to be thankful/grateful for. I am an incredibly blessed individual and I recognize that fact more and more with each passing day.
I have a wonderful husband who returned home to Toddler D and I after a tour in Afghanistan. He not only came home to us, but he came home to us relatively unscathed, all things considered. God was smiling on our family during his deployment and we are definitely grateful for his return, his health and the twinkle that is starting to return to his eyes.
I have an amazing one year old who is growing and learning more and more with each passing day. I told Sgt D tonight that I thought I would never love anyone as much as I love him...that is until I met Toddler D. She takes my breath away. I am thankful that I get to experience all of her victories and stumbles with her. It gives me a glimpse into what I must have been like as a child and what a rare gift that has been. I cannot remember a time in my life where I have laughed as much, clapped as much or cried tears of both joy and sadness, as this past year. Thank you for bringing her into my life.
I am blessed with two of the most giving and generous parents of all time. Not only are they my parents but I count them as two of my best friends and inspirations. This is going to sound really hokey but when I grow up I really want to make them proud. They gave my family so much this past year and did it completely out of kindness and love, I do not think I could ever repay them. They have 5 grand kids and I think they make each one feel special.
I am thankful that my husband has a job that allows me to stay home with our baby and raise her the way I am sure most people dream about. I do not worry about being able to put a roof over her head or food on the table because of his job and all that it provides. It may not be glamorous or even popular, but it is good honest work that involves a lot of self-sacrifice. Thank you Sgt D for all that you do for our little family.
I am grateful for the fact that I live in a country where I have a say in how things are run, and even more grateful for the fact that my opinion matters. That is a gift from the founders of our nation and I am proud to call this place home.
I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life. My friends, family and adopted family. The support of the people in my life helped me survive the last year and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.
This list could go on and on and on. I could list all the simple things like the laughter of Toddler D and the sound of her slow steady breathing over the baby monitor, but if I did that I would be writing straight through Thanksgiving. Instead I will finish this post with a simple prayer: God please continue to shower my family with love and keep us in good health. Amen.
I have a wonderful husband who returned home to Toddler D and I after a tour in Afghanistan. He not only came home to us, but he came home to us relatively unscathed, all things considered. God was smiling on our family during his deployment and we are definitely grateful for his return, his health and the twinkle that is starting to return to his eyes.
I have an amazing one year old who is growing and learning more and more with each passing day. I told Sgt D tonight that I thought I would never love anyone as much as I love him...that is until I met Toddler D. She takes my breath away. I am thankful that I get to experience all of her victories and stumbles with her. It gives me a glimpse into what I must have been like as a child and what a rare gift that has been. I cannot remember a time in my life where I have laughed as much, clapped as much or cried tears of both joy and sadness, as this past year. Thank you for bringing her into my life.
I am blessed with two of the most giving and generous parents of all time. Not only are they my parents but I count them as two of my best friends and inspirations. This is going to sound really hokey but when I grow up I really want to make them proud. They gave my family so much this past year and did it completely out of kindness and love, I do not think I could ever repay them. They have 5 grand kids and I think they make each one feel special.
I am thankful that my husband has a job that allows me to stay home with our baby and raise her the way I am sure most people dream about. I do not worry about being able to put a roof over her head or food on the table because of his job and all that it provides. It may not be glamorous or even popular, but it is good honest work that involves a lot of self-sacrifice. Thank you Sgt D for all that you do for our little family.
I am grateful for the fact that I live in a country where I have a say in how things are run, and even more grateful for the fact that my opinion matters. That is a gift from the founders of our nation and I am proud to call this place home.
I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life. My friends, family and adopted family. The support of the people in my life helped me survive the last year and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.
This list could go on and on and on. I could list all the simple things like the laughter of Toddler D and the sound of her slow steady breathing over the baby monitor, but if I did that I would be writing straight through Thanksgiving. Instead I will finish this post with a simple prayer: God please continue to shower my family with love and keep us in good health. Amen.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Living with a Toddler
We made it, Baby D is now one year old!!! Not only that but I think we can no longer refer to her as Baby D, from this point forward she will be known as Toddler D.
Let me tell you, life with a toddler is interesting. I feel like she is in a constant state of motion and I am in a constant state of trying to keep up with her. It feels like every weekend we head over to Babies R Us for more baby proofing gear that we never knew we would need...that is until Toddler D figures out how to do something new.
Two weeks ago she learned how to open one of our baby gates (we now keep it LOCKED), last week she taught my friend's fourteen month old how to do it! We had to put safety locks on all the drawers in the crafting room because she can not only open them but she feels that it is vitally important that she go in them EVERY DAY! I think our next purchase will be doorknob locks of some kind as she can reach the doorknobs with the tips of her fingers and she knows that is how you open a door.
She only just turned one but I feel like we are dealing with a two year old. I cannot complain too much because it just means that our baby is SO SMART!
Another thing I have observed since the toddling began is that we are constantly saying several phrases: "You're Okay", "Bonks", and "You've got to watch where you're going". These phrases are said at least 100 times each per day in this house. Not to mention the fact that every day she is covered in more and more bruises from walking into doors and walls. We really need to work on that watching where she is going part!
She is so curious about everything! It is fun to watch her try to figure out why there is a bright patch on the wall when she is playing with a flashlight. She does not know yet that she controls that bright patch, but give her a week and she will have it figured out.
First year pictures will be posted on her picasa page as soon as I get the CD this weekend.
Happy Birthday to our precious little toddler amazon!
Let me tell you, life with a toddler is interesting. I feel like she is in a constant state of motion and I am in a constant state of trying to keep up with her. It feels like every weekend we head over to Babies R Us for more baby proofing gear that we never knew we would need...that is until Toddler D figures out how to do something new.
Two weeks ago she learned how to open one of our baby gates (we now keep it LOCKED), last week she taught my friend's fourteen month old how to do it! We had to put safety locks on all the drawers in the crafting room because she can not only open them but she feels that it is vitally important that she go in them EVERY DAY! I think our next purchase will be doorknob locks of some kind as she can reach the doorknobs with the tips of her fingers and she knows that is how you open a door.
She only just turned one but I feel like we are dealing with a two year old. I cannot complain too much because it just means that our baby is SO SMART!
Another thing I have observed since the toddling began is that we are constantly saying several phrases: "You're Okay", "Bonks", and "You've got to watch where you're going". These phrases are said at least 100 times each per day in this house. Not to mention the fact that every day she is covered in more and more bruises from walking into doors and walls. We really need to work on that watching where she is going part!
She is so curious about everything! It is fun to watch her try to figure out why there is a bright patch on the wall when she is playing with a flashlight. She does not know yet that she controls that bright patch, but give her a week and she will have it figured out.
First year pictures will be posted on her picasa page as soon as I get the CD this weekend.
Happy Birthday to our precious little toddler amazon!
Monday, November 08, 2010
Stage Moms
I am not a stage mom. In fact after watching a few episodes of "Toddlers in Tiaras" I have somewhat come to despise stage moms. However, I cannot sit here and write that I did not feel an overwhelming sense of pride and joy in my beautiful baby when she won a photo contest that we entered her in last month.
The contest is called "Cuties in Costume" and it was for a calendar being produced to benefit Juvenile Type 1 Diabetes. We only entered her because each entrant got a 10 minute session in their costume with a professional photographer and a free 5x7 picture. I did not for one minute expect that Baby D would be one of the 12 winners, but I am definitely happy that my baby won.
If you would like to see the pictures of the winners please click here. You may have to like the photographers Facebook page to view the pictures, but it is well worth it. The photographer is Shawnie Deutsch and her calendar will be going on sale soon.
This Mama could not be happier right now that her baby won, I can not wait for our 8x7 picture and our copy of the calendar! But I insist that I AM NOT a stage mom!
The contest is called "Cuties in Costume" and it was for a calendar being produced to benefit Juvenile Type 1 Diabetes. We only entered her because each entrant got a 10 minute session in their costume with a professional photographer and a free 5x7 picture. I did not for one minute expect that Baby D would be one of the 12 winners, but I am definitely happy that my baby won.
If you would like to see the pictures of the winners please click here. You may have to like the photographers Facebook page to view the pictures, but it is well worth it. The photographer is Shawnie Deutsch and her calendar will be going on sale soon.
This Mama could not be happier right now that her baby won, I can not wait for our 8x7 picture and our copy of the calendar! But I insist that I AM NOT a stage mom!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wanting
Have you ever just wanted something so bad you could taste it? Feel it with every fiber of your being? I am there right now. In the wanting place. I was there about 18 months ago too. I got what I wanted then, but that time around me getting what I wanted depended solely upon Sgt D and myself. This time around...it depends on the ARMY. That is one of the hardest things about being married in the army, having to put important and life-altering decisions on hold until someone higher ranking than your spouse tells you it is okay to move forward.
I guess after three years of marriage I am still not used to having to ask a higher authority for permission. (I am clinging onto my independence with a vice like grip!) I do realize that this is a fact of my life now, but that does not mean that that I have to like it. And so I sit here, wanting and waiting. While I sit, I will make imaginary plans in my head and play with my baby until I hear the magic words..."They said YES!"
I guess after three years of marriage I am still not used to having to ask a higher authority for permission. (I am clinging onto my independence with a vice like grip!) I do realize that this is a fact of my life now, but that does not mean that that I have to like it. And so I sit here, wanting and waiting. While I sit, I will make imaginary plans in my head and play with my baby until I hear the magic words..."They said YES!"
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Objects
It is hard for me to let go of objects. I feel an emotional attachment to most of the physical objects that I have collected during my life. Sgt D is not this way. If he does not use it regularly and it is of little monetary value then he can part with just about anything. To say the least...this can cause tension between us at times.
I am trying to learn to compromise, after all I do not want to send Sgt D's OCD into overdrive. Since his homecoming I have so far cleaned out two foot lockers in our storage unit, two closets full of clothes AND shoes, and I am currently ripping all of our CDs onto a hard drive so I can sell those and put our DVDs into my old CD books. I feel this is a good start towards letting go of what Sgt D sees as "excess baggage" and in all honestly it has been somewhat of a cleansing experience.
Anyone who knows me well knows how hard this is for me, and seriously people, I should get extra brownie points for letting go of any shoes...after all a girl can never have too many pairs of shoes!
I am trying to learn to compromise, after all I do not want to send Sgt D's OCD into overdrive. Since his homecoming I have so far cleaned out two foot lockers in our storage unit, two closets full of clothes AND shoes, and I am currently ripping all of our CDs onto a hard drive so I can sell those and put our DVDs into my old CD books. I feel this is a good start towards letting go of what Sgt D sees as "excess baggage" and in all honestly it has been somewhat of a cleansing experience.
Anyone who knows me well knows how hard this is for me, and seriously people, I should get extra brownie points for letting go of any shoes...after all a girl can never have too many pairs of shoes!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
3 weeks
Sgt D has been home for three weeks now and it is amazing how much life has changed for all three of us. The changes are all good, and I couldn't be happier to have him home and know that he is no longer in harms way...that is until the next deployment. Please be patient with me if I don't blog as often as I am still getting adjusted to our new routine around the house.
Baby D is doing great with her daddy and calls him "dada" regularly. She knows who he is and loves him to pieces :)
Baby D is doing great with her daddy and calls him "dada" regularly. She knows who he is and loves him to pieces :)
Monday, September 20, 2010
Things are about to change...
I think it would be safe to say that my world is about to change...again. I can't really talk about why on here, but suffice it to say that my nerves have started up and I am crazy excited at the same time. I foresee good things on the horizon for myself, my baby and for Sgt D. I know that at times things are going to be rough and difficult, but I also know that if we stick together as a family we can overcome any obstacle in front of us.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I really do believe that love and perseverance can help you through anything, and I think I possess a lot of both those qualities.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I really do believe that love and perseverance can help you through anything, and I think I possess a lot of both those qualities.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Surprises and Secrets
I suck at surprises. I always want to know what I'm getting. If I am the person giving the surprise, I want to blow it completely and tell the person before they get an opportunity to actually be surprised. Everyone in my family knows that I suck at it. I remember when I was in middle school my family was throwing my God Mother a surprise 50th birthday party. I think I spent 2 months avoiding her rather than be forced to keep the secret. To this day she is still shocked I kept my mouth shut and she knows the only reason I did is because I did not go any where near her for 60+ days.
I did not even bother finding out what Baby D was going to be and then attempt to keep it a secret from everyone else. I knew in my heart that I would blow it so rather than be tempted I kept my eyes shut during most of my ultrasound appointments and only looked when the technician told me it was safe to.
I am now keeping the biggest secret of my life. The return date of Sgt D from Afghanistan. He wants to keep it just between us. He said he will call everyone else when he gets home. Can you believe that?!? He expects ME to keep MY mouth shut. I asked him if he had ever met me before and insisted that if I accidentally spill the beans that I could not be held accountable for my actions because it is the most exciting thing to happen since November 12, 2009 when Baby D was born. Is he asking too much of me? Am I going to blow it? I certainly hope not but this would definitely be a good opportunity for people to start making bets on my ability to keep this to myself.
I did not even bother finding out what Baby D was going to be and then attempt to keep it a secret from everyone else. I knew in my heart that I would blow it so rather than be tempted I kept my eyes shut during most of my ultrasound appointments and only looked when the technician told me it was safe to.
I am now keeping the biggest secret of my life. The return date of Sgt D from Afghanistan. He wants to keep it just between us. He said he will call everyone else when he gets home. Can you believe that?!? He expects ME to keep MY mouth shut. I asked him if he had ever met me before and insisted that if I accidentally spill the beans that I could not be held accountable for my actions because it is the most exciting thing to happen since November 12, 2009 when Baby D was born. Is he asking too much of me? Am I going to blow it? I certainly hope not but this would definitely be a good opportunity for people to start making bets on my ability to keep this to myself.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Hail to the Chief
I do not often write anything political on my blog, mainly because I am pretty disinterested in politics. However, seeing as my husband is in the Army and his ultimate boss is the Commander and Chief, President Obama, I have to say that the way some people behave with regards to the Office of President sickens me. Whether you approve of his politics, of his race, of his personal beliefs or not, he is still your president.
During times of war, financial crises, recession, and overall depression, it is vitally important that we support each other and support our leaders. If you do not like the current president that is fine, it is perfectly within your rights to dislike him. Wait until the 2012 election and speak your mind by giving your vote to another candidate. I think it is completely reprehensible, however, to bash our leaders in any way shape or form in a public forum. On blogs, for instance, or on television.
I have been able to legally vote in this country for the past 11 years and instead of going out of my way to whine or piss and moan about a sitting politician I have used my vote to voice my opinion. It is the only way to get things accomplished, and it is certainly the least combative way.
Whether I agree with the president or not, he has my support because he is my president. If in 2.5 years I decide that I am dissatisfied with the job that he has done then I will use my vote to make sure that a different person is voted into office, but I will not listen to or join in on the president bashing that seems to be so popular right now.
Good luck Mr. President, you have a lot on your plate and I have faith that you are doing your best to make sure that you meet the needs and expectations of the American People.
During times of war, financial crises, recession, and overall depression, it is vitally important that we support each other and support our leaders. If you do not like the current president that is fine, it is perfectly within your rights to dislike him. Wait until the 2012 election and speak your mind by giving your vote to another candidate. I think it is completely reprehensible, however, to bash our leaders in any way shape or form in a public forum. On blogs, for instance, or on television.
I have been able to legally vote in this country for the past 11 years and instead of going out of my way to whine or piss and moan about a sitting politician I have used my vote to voice my opinion. It is the only way to get things accomplished, and it is certainly the least combative way.
Whether I agree with the president or not, he has my support because he is my president. If in 2.5 years I decide that I am dissatisfied with the job that he has done then I will use my vote to make sure that a different person is voted into office, but I will not listen to or join in on the president bashing that seems to be so popular right now.
Good luck Mr. President, you have a lot on your plate and I have faith that you are doing your best to make sure that you meet the needs and expectations of the American People.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
He leads, She follows
Being married to someone in the military is like being a dancer I would imagine. The soldier (usually a guy) leads and the spouse follows.
That in mind, I am not much of a dancer, my dance experience and moves pretty much haven’t developed past middle school when you had your hands around your dates neck, he had his hands on your hips and you simply swayed back and forth. The army though requires much more skill in their dances. They require you to be able to spin, twirl, do ballet leaps, sometimes dance on your toes, etc. They also demand that you be able to switch styles mid routine. In other words once you finally have the Cha Cha down you have to switch to Contemporary, and once you have that routine down, they suddenly switch the song to rap and you have to Crump.
That is what it is like for a military family. The song is constantly changing and there is not always time to discuss what move you are going to do next. You may have your heart set on a simple lift and he decides to spin you across the room on your toes instead. You have to adjust and make it happen, while also making it look easy and being graceful. Not the easiest thing in the world, but that is what military wives do, we make it look easy. We hold our heads up, smile and adjust our steps to the beat of the newest music playing in the background.
I am adjusting. I think until my soldier is back in my arms I will continue to adjust to the beat, and after he is home we will start practicing a new routine…that is until the army changes the song again.
(This post is dedicated to my soldier, I cannot wait for him to come home so we can dance together again - this long distance dancing is for the birds!)
(This post is dedicated to my soldier, I cannot wait for him to come home so we can dance together again - this long distance dancing is for the birds!)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Scared to DEATH!!!
Baby D started crawling today. I am torn between being a super proud mommy and being scared to DEATH! She is officially hyper-mobile and the world is her oyster. This is a good thing for her development, discovery, etc etc. This is a bad thing for someone who is staying in a two-story house that has NEVER been childproofed and someone who is returning to their own home in a couple of weeks which also has not been childproofed.
It is scary to think that Baby D can now pretty much get wherever she wants to go, and even scarier to think that in a month or two she will be walking/running to get there.
Life has officially changed FOREVER!!!
It is scary to think that Baby D can now pretty much get wherever she wants to go, and even scarier to think that in a month or two she will be walking/running to get there.
Life has officially changed FOREVER!!!
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Happy 4th of July
I would just like to take a moment of my faithful readers time to thank my husband and the men and women he serves with for my freedom. You make my life possible and I am so grateful for all that you do.
Sgt D you are my own personal American Hero and I love you with all my heart.
Your baby girl loves you too!
Sgt D you are my own personal American Hero and I love you with all my heart.
Your baby girl loves you too!
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Change
Things change. They change all the time. In fact, change is the only real constant in life. As soon as you think you have one thing figured out it changes. My life didn't really change today, not for better or worse, but I did make an observation about one aspect of my life, my relationships. I have found that in the last several years a lot of the relationships that I have had all of my life have changed. It makes me sad when I think of how those relationships have changed, and the more I think about the topic the more I realize that it isn't the relationships so much that have changed, but rather it is me that has changed.
I don't want to think that I have outgrown a relationship or a person, but maybe I just don't have the same need for certain relationships anymore. Maybe the void those relationships were filling has simply been filled with something new and I am no longer dependent on them for whatever purpose they previously served in my life. I don't know. What I do know is that I have grown a lot and my life has pulled me in a different direction. I know that my life will continue to change in numerous ways, maybe one day my life will change in such a way as to bring those lost relationships back into my life. Until then...I have other things in my life to fill my time and share my love with and that thought makes me very happy.
I don't want to think that I have outgrown a relationship or a person, but maybe I just don't have the same need for certain relationships anymore. Maybe the void those relationships were filling has simply been filled with something new and I am no longer dependent on them for whatever purpose they previously served in my life. I don't know. What I do know is that I have grown a lot and my life has pulled me in a different direction. I know that my life will continue to change in numerous ways, maybe one day my life will change in such a way as to bring those lost relationships back into my life. Until then...I have other things in my life to fill my time and share my love with and that thought makes me very happy.
Friday, July 02, 2010
Good Bye 20s
Today I turned 29. Which means that my 20s are officially over. Starting tomorrow I will be on the journey towards 30. I can only imagine the crap that Sgt D is going to give me next year on my birthday.
This past year was probably one of the happiest and saddest of my life. This time last year my dad flew up to Washington to drive me down to California for a few weeks while Sgt D was in the field in Yakima. The best present I received last year was from Baby D, she kicked my belly so hard that night that Sgt D was able to see her move for the first time. It was such a great gift :)
In my 29th year I went to California 4 times. It was a record for me since getting married. I got to show Sgt D one of my favorite place in California, Lake Tahoe. He loved it so much that he asked my family if we could all go camping up there when he gets home. If that happens I have a feeling that my parents will be camping in a hotel and we will be in a tent.
The best part of the year was November 12, 2009 at 13:26. Baby D was born and I got to share the experience with my two best friends, my husband and my mother. She has brought so much joy into my life and I have loved watching her grow, change and discover these past 7.5 months.
I have made some wonderful friends this past year and I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned just how much I can handle on my own and I have learned that it is ok to ask for help. Asking for help is a hard thing for most people to do and I have learned that people cannot read your mind and will not step in/up unless you ask them to. Lucky for me there are lots of people in my life who can and will step up for me :) I am blessed.
This has also been the hardest year of my life. I had a very difficult pregnancy, and was so excited for it to be OVER! I have to say I will never understand women who say they love being pregnant. I most definitely loved it being over. The saddest part of the year was on January 2, 2010, exactly 6 months ago. It was the day that Baby D and I had to say good-bye to Sgt D. I've never had to do something so difficult in my life and I will be so happy when this deployment and war are over and behind us.
This next year I am looking forward to so much. I am looking forward to a wonderful homecoming for Sgt D. I can't wait to cook dinner for him, laugh at his dry sense of humor and fall asleep in his arms. I am looking forward to Baby D's first birthday in November. I am looking forward to the first time Baby D sleeps through the night! I can't wait for that night, but alas, I know I will have to be patient. I am looking forward to spending some time with both of our families over the holidays. We haven't spent the Christmas with my family ever since getting married, so I am really looking forward to it.
Mostly though, I am just looking forward to having my entire family together again. I miss being under one roof. This whole waiting for the phone to ring is for the birds. I hope 30 will be my best year yet, I'm not afraid of it I am looking forward to it :)
This past year was probably one of the happiest and saddest of my life. This time last year my dad flew up to Washington to drive me down to California for a few weeks while Sgt D was in the field in Yakima. The best present I received last year was from Baby D, she kicked my belly so hard that night that Sgt D was able to see her move for the first time. It was such a great gift :)
In my 29th year I went to California 4 times. It was a record for me since getting married. I got to show Sgt D one of my favorite place in California, Lake Tahoe. He loved it so much that he asked my family if we could all go camping up there when he gets home. If that happens I have a feeling that my parents will be camping in a hotel and we will be in a tent.
The best part of the year was November 12, 2009 at 13:26. Baby D was born and I got to share the experience with my two best friends, my husband and my mother. She has brought so much joy into my life and I have loved watching her grow, change and discover these past 7.5 months.
I have made some wonderful friends this past year and I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned just how much I can handle on my own and I have learned that it is ok to ask for help. Asking for help is a hard thing for most people to do and I have learned that people cannot read your mind and will not step in/up unless you ask them to. Lucky for me there are lots of people in my life who can and will step up for me :) I am blessed.
This has also been the hardest year of my life. I had a very difficult pregnancy, and was so excited for it to be OVER! I have to say I will never understand women who say they love being pregnant. I most definitely loved it being over. The saddest part of the year was on January 2, 2010, exactly 6 months ago. It was the day that Baby D and I had to say good-bye to Sgt D. I've never had to do something so difficult in my life and I will be so happy when this deployment and war are over and behind us.
This next year I am looking forward to so much. I am looking forward to a wonderful homecoming for Sgt D. I can't wait to cook dinner for him, laugh at his dry sense of humor and fall asleep in his arms. I am looking forward to Baby D's first birthday in November. I am looking forward to the first time Baby D sleeps through the night! I can't wait for that night, but alas, I know I will have to be patient. I am looking forward to spending some time with both of our families over the holidays. We haven't spent the Christmas with my family ever since getting married, so I am really looking forward to it.
Mostly though, I am just looking forward to having my entire family together again. I miss being under one roof. This whole waiting for the phone to ring is for the birds. I hope 30 will be my best year yet, I'm not afraid of it I am looking forward to it :)
Thursday, July 01, 2010
How do I do it?
A friend of mine who is recently married asked me "how do you do it?" Her husband travels for work and is often away for upwards of a month at a time. She wanted to know how I can possibly handle this deployment, especially with a new (well not really so new now) baby and all. I told her that it is not for the faint of heart. It takes patience, love, forgiveness (not him, but the army), and something to keep you busy - lucky for me I have Baby D and she takes up ALL of my time.
Deployments are hard and as I have said before, it would be only to easy to let this deployment beat us. I could give in to the loneliness, the hate, the anger that I feel - the hate and the anger are directed towards the army, the war, the leaders. I could give in to all of those things, I could wallow in them and be a very unpleasant person to be around. Or I could do what I am doing already. I can try to be the best mommy for Baby D and the best friend and partner to Sgt D. Neither or them needs or wants me to be angry or depressed all of the time.
I guess the simplest answer to"how do I do it?" is that I simply go on. I face everyday with the knowledge that Sgt D will be home eventually and we will move forward with our lives. Yes it sucks to be apart, more that I can possibly describe, but it is temporary. That is the part I focus on. Nothing more nothing less.
Deployments are hard and as I have said before, it would be only to easy to let this deployment beat us. I could give in to the loneliness, the hate, the anger that I feel - the hate and the anger are directed towards the army, the war, the leaders. I could give in to all of those things, I could wallow in them and be a very unpleasant person to be around. Or I could do what I am doing already. I can try to be the best mommy for Baby D and the best friend and partner to Sgt D. Neither or them needs or wants me to be angry or depressed all of the time.
I guess the simplest answer to"how do I do it?" is that I simply go on. I face everyday with the knowledge that Sgt D will be home eventually and we will move forward with our lives. Yes it sucks to be apart, more that I can possibly describe, but it is temporary. That is the part I focus on. Nothing more nothing less.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Baby Book
I have been keeping a baby book for Baby D. It is not your typical baby book, more of a journal really, it is called "The First 1000 Days". This is the prefect type of baby book for me because I know that were I trying to make my own scrapbook or even keep up with a traditional baby book, Baby D would not have anything filled in beyond the first couple pages.
The thing I like best about our baby book is that it is literally a blank page. I can write whatever I want in it and with the exception of some prompts towards the end of the book, I have complete control over the contents of the book. The only problem I have with it is that every day something new happens for her, whether it be learning a new skill or tasting a new food and I am finding that I do not have enough room to write everything that I want to.
One thing that is going to be cool is when Sgt D comes home he will be able to look through the book and the pictures I have been sending him the past 6 months and he will have an idea of what happened, when and what she looked like on those days. Another thing I am excited about is the day, years from now, when I get to give it to Baby D. Hopefully she will appreciate the wonderful gift of getting to see herself as a child :)
The thing I like best about our baby book is that it is literally a blank page. I can write whatever I want in it and with the exception of some prompts towards the end of the book, I have complete control over the contents of the book. The only problem I have with it is that every day something new happens for her, whether it be learning a new skill or tasting a new food and I am finding that I do not have enough room to write everything that I want to.
One thing that is going to be cool is when Sgt D comes home he will be able to look through the book and the pictures I have been sending him the past 6 months and he will have an idea of what happened, when and what she looked like on those days. Another thing I am excited about is the day, years from now, when I get to give it to Baby D. Hopefully she will appreciate the wonderful gift of getting to see herself as a child :)
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Cutest.Baby.EVER!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
I'll be cured...
I was talking to Sgt D today and I told him that it was good he called me today because if he hadn't I would have started to worry. I told him it was a sickness and that I would be cured of this disease sometime in the next 4 or 5 months. He laughed because oddly enough my time frame for a cure coincides with his not soon enough homecoming :)
I realize that a deployment isn't a disease, but sometimes the side effects can feel like one. The constant worrying, the sleepless nights (oh wait, those are mostly because of Baby D), the emptiness in my heart, etc etc.
I can't wait for my cure and I am so glad that we have more than passed the halfway point!
I realize that a deployment isn't a disease, but sometimes the side effects can feel like one. The constant worrying, the sleepless nights (oh wait, those are mostly because of Baby D), the emptiness in my heart, etc etc.
I can't wait for my cure and I am so glad that we have more than passed the halfway point!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
And now in Baby news...
She stands! Well she can pull herself up to standing from a seated position when sitting on her changing table, but in my mind that is still a huge milestone.
And speaking of milestones, Baby D sure has had a lot of them lately. She is now eating most veggies and has had bananas, pears (which she is allergic too), peaches and apples. Next week we are going to do mangoes. She is eating chicken and turkey now too. The coolest thing when it comes to eating, at least from the mommy perspective, is that she likes to feed herself now. She can feed herself puffs, biter biscuits (her favorite), and last night she fed herself chunks of sweet potato for the first time. Baby D is growing so fast it is amazing.
As of this morning she weighs 21.5 lbs, is wearing size 12 and 18 month clothes and size 4 diapers. I can't believe how far she has come since November when she weighed 8 lbs and was wearing newborn clothes. My little girl is not so little anymore, but she is definitely still my baby.
And speaking of milestones, Baby D sure has had a lot of them lately. She is now eating most veggies and has had bananas, pears (which she is allergic too), peaches and apples. Next week we are going to do mangoes. She is eating chicken and turkey now too. The coolest thing when it comes to eating, at least from the mommy perspective, is that she likes to feed herself now. She can feed herself puffs, biter biscuits (her favorite), and last night she fed herself chunks of sweet potato for the first time. Baby D is growing so fast it is amazing.
As of this morning she weighs 21.5 lbs, is wearing size 12 and 18 month clothes and size 4 diapers. I can't believe how far she has come since November when she weighed 8 lbs and was wearing newborn clothes. My little girl is not so little anymore, but she is definitely still my baby.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Dear Deployment
I hate you. I realize that hate is a very strong emotion but I cannot help the way that I feel. You have taken so much from my family this year. You have deprived me of my partner in life, Sgt D. You have deprived Baby D of her wonderful loving daddy, and you have taken away Sgt D’s only opportunity to see Baby D grow and change during the first year of her life.
We have missed out on so many things this year. We lost Valentine’s Day. It would have been nice to have been able to cook a candlelit dinner for my husband and enjoy a quiet romantic moment with him after Baby D went to bed. We missed out on Sgt D’s birthday in March. I love birthdays, and celebrating them has always been important to me, this year would have been amazing for Sgt D because it was the day that Baby D laughed for the first time. He would have loved to receive that as a present. Our first Easter with Baby D came and went without any fanfare. I dressed her up in her bunny outfit and took some really cute pictures to send him, but other than that it was just another day in our lives.
Mother’s Day was particularly difficult for me. It was my first Mother’s Day, not counting last year when I was pregnant, and I am sure that Sgt D would have done something special to celebrate the day. I guess I will have to wait until next year to find out what it would be like to have my whole family present. My mom did rescue the day partially by being with us. It was nice to be together, three generations of women, but if I had a choice, I would much rather have had Sgt D deployed! Father’s Day was really hard, harder than Mother’s Day actually. I wanted to make him feel special and let him know just how important he is to our family, but alas, I had to settle for a 15 min conversation on the phone. I couldn’t even send him a care package for a multitude of reasons, so he will get his Father’s Day presents some time in July.
I cannot say that this experience has been all bad. I have learned how to do so much on my own. I have learned that I can go for months on end sleep deprived and not kill every person that tells me babies do sleep through the night. I have developed a sense of control over my emotions that I never previously had. I used to let the tiniest thing set me off and maybe it is a combination of becoming a mother and having to deal with everything on my own, but I do not sweat the small stuff nearly as much as I used to. I think that the love that Sgt D and I have for each other has grown even deeper and that we have developed a more intense appreciate for each of our little quirks. I miss watching him come home and straighten up our house because he can’t sit still unless it is perfect.
Maybe hate is too strong of a word…but I know this much deployment, we will never be friends. You have taken too much from my family and I.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled army wife of a deployed soldier
Mrs. D
Monday, June 21, 2010
Moments
I think I may have finally figured out the part of this deployment that I hate most. It is all the little moments that Sgt D is missing in Baby D's life.
He missed the first time that she turned in response to her name. That was such a huge moment that I actually wrote a blog post about it. He missed the first time she discovered her feet. Now it is a challenge to keep them out of her mouth, which I really only do when she is wearing socks. Nothing like having wet socks on your feet. He missed the first time she reached out when someone offered her their hands and asked if she wanted to come to them, that was so amazing because I was finally able to see her social personality developing. He missed the first time that she impatiently put her arms out when lying on her back and grunted at me as if to say "you will help me to sit up...NOW!"
All of these moments have added up to watching her fun and bright personality develop. This deployment has stolen so many moments from us, but I can't bring myself to be bitter towards it. As much as this deployment sucks and as much as I hate it, it has given me so many life changing moments that have taught me volumes about myself and my family. I only wish Sgt D could have been here to experience them firsthand.
He missed the first time that she turned in response to her name. That was such a huge moment that I actually wrote a blog post about it. He missed the first time she discovered her feet. Now it is a challenge to keep them out of her mouth, which I really only do when she is wearing socks. Nothing like having wet socks on your feet. He missed the first time she reached out when someone offered her their hands and asked if she wanted to come to them, that was so amazing because I was finally able to see her social personality developing. He missed the first time that she impatiently put her arms out when lying on her back and grunted at me as if to say "you will help me to sit up...NOW!"
All of these moments have added up to watching her fun and bright personality develop. This deployment has stolen so many moments from us, but I can't bring myself to be bitter towards it. As much as this deployment sucks and as much as I hate it, it has given me so many life changing moments that have taught me volumes about myself and my family. I only wish Sgt D could have been here to experience them firsthand.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Holidays
This was going to be a post about Father's Day, but clearly I am a day late and a dollar short on that bus ride. So instead I decided to write about holidays and special occasions in general and how much they have changed for me over the past 7ish months.
The biggest change is Baby D. Holidays and special occasions were always cool to me simply because they were special and they break up the monotony of our every day lives. It is nice to have something to celebrate and while some holidays (like Valentine's Day) are asinine to me, I do enjoy them for the most part. Whether it be picking out cards to send to special people or maybe wearing a cute themed outfit (St. Patrick's Day comes to mind), it is a nice distraction from our daily grind. Now I get to dress up Baby D for the holiday and, well this goes without saying, I get to take cute pictures of her, and as she gets older these holidays will only be more fun as she starts to take a real interest in them.
The other big change is of course that Sgt D has been gone since the beginning of the year and I no longer get to celebrate anything with him. I realize that this is only temporary, but I never realized just how much that would change my perspective on things. I think I can honestly say that if it were not for our beautiful baby girl, I probably would have skipped or ignored the vast majority of holidays this year.
The day I am looking forward to least is my upcoming birthday. I am going to be 29, Sgt D is always reminding just how close I am to the big 3 0, and I just don't really feel like celebrating. For starters, I can't have anything to eat that I would like to because of Baby D's food allergies. This means no cake, no ice cream, no pie. I am honestly considering telling my mom to just stick a candle in my salad for me to blow out. I know this too is only temporary, and that this time next year I will get to eat real food again, but for some reason it makes it feel even less like I am having a birthday. Then there is the fact that I picked out and bought my own birthday present from Sgt D. He is in Afghanistan and not exactly near any great stores to go shopping so I decided to take care of it myself. I got exactly what I wanted and it is a fairly practical gift (a Tom Tom with lifetime traffic and maps), but this too makes the day less special. I will have no presents to open, although I am sure my mom and dad will have a card for me which will be nice (they already bought me a nice brand new pair of sandals that I wanted).
I guess to sum this long blog post up, I can just say that things have certainly changed this past year, especially my perspective on life. More importantly though...I can't wait for next year. Even if it does mean I will be turning thirty!
The biggest change is Baby D. Holidays and special occasions were always cool to me simply because they were special and they break up the monotony of our every day lives. It is nice to have something to celebrate and while some holidays (like Valentine's Day) are asinine to me, I do enjoy them for the most part. Whether it be picking out cards to send to special people or maybe wearing a cute themed outfit (St. Patrick's Day comes to mind), it is a nice distraction from our daily grind. Now I get to dress up Baby D for the holiday and, well this goes without saying, I get to take cute pictures of her, and as she gets older these holidays will only be more fun as she starts to take a real interest in them.
The other big change is of course that Sgt D has been gone since the beginning of the year and I no longer get to celebrate anything with him. I realize that this is only temporary, but I never realized just how much that would change my perspective on things. I think I can honestly say that if it were not for our beautiful baby girl, I probably would have skipped or ignored the vast majority of holidays this year.
The day I am looking forward to least is my upcoming birthday. I am going to be 29, Sgt D is always reminding just how close I am to the big 3 0, and I just don't really feel like celebrating. For starters, I can't have anything to eat that I would like to because of Baby D's food allergies. This means no cake, no ice cream, no pie. I am honestly considering telling my mom to just stick a candle in my salad for me to blow out. I know this too is only temporary, and that this time next year I will get to eat real food again, but for some reason it makes it feel even less like I am having a birthday. Then there is the fact that I picked out and bought my own birthday present from Sgt D. He is in Afghanistan and not exactly near any great stores to go shopping so I decided to take care of it myself. I got exactly what I wanted and it is a fairly practical gift (a Tom Tom with lifetime traffic and maps), but this too makes the day less special. I will have no presents to open, although I am sure my mom and dad will have a card for me which will be nice (they already bought me a nice brand new pair of sandals that I wanted).
I guess to sum this long blog post up, I can just say that things have certainly changed this past year, especially my perspective on life. More importantly though...I can't wait for next year. Even if it does mean I will be turning thirty!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
The month of May
Some of you may have noticed that I did not blog at all in the month of May. Believe me I have a good reason. I spent the entire month sick and in and out of the hospital trying to get properly diagnosed and then treated. The real icing on the cake was the fact that the treatment proceeded to make both Baby D and I sick after wards!
I am lucky because my mom was able to come up to Washington and take care of Baby D and I while I recovered. I ended up getting mastitis, which turned into staph (because the doctors put me on the wrong medication) and then Baby D and I both got Thrush/yeast infection. To say the least May was a really fun month.
Some good things happened though. Baby D turned 6 months old. I got to enjoy my first Mother's Day, I even got a really special card from Sgt D. We made a new good friend and Baby D had 3 play dates this month. I am trying to get her used to being around lots of different people so she will be social.
We are both healthy now, and the best part is that we are in California with my parents. Baby D has finally found her voice and is babbling away. She sounds so cute, but let me tell you, when she is angry, watch out! She is learning so much everyday and it is fun to watch her discover new things. She recently discovered her ears and likes to pull them a lot, she has also discovered arching her back and she does it every time she gets upset or is done with whatever activity we are doing.
I am lucky because my mom was able to come up to Washington and take care of Baby D and I while I recovered. I ended up getting mastitis, which turned into staph (because the doctors put me on the wrong medication) and then Baby D and I both got Thrush/yeast infection. To say the least May was a really fun month.
Some good things happened though. Baby D turned 6 months old. I got to enjoy my first Mother's Day, I even got a really special card from Sgt D. We made a new good friend and Baby D had 3 play dates this month. I am trying to get her used to being around lots of different people so she will be social.
We are both healthy now, and the best part is that we are in California with my parents. Baby D has finally found her voice and is babbling away. She sounds so cute, but let me tell you, when she is angry, watch out! She is learning so much everyday and it is fun to watch her discover new things. She recently discovered her ears and likes to pull them a lot, she has also discovered arching her back and she does it every time she gets upset or is done with whatever activity we are doing.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Clearly She's Thriving
The past 4 months I have heard "clearly she's thriving" a lot. I have heard it from doctors and even from friends and family. It has always been after I have told someone that Baby D has been bleeding in her stool since Christmas. Believe it or not, hearing "clearly she's thriving" evokes a very powerful angry and frustrated response from me. The first thing I think is that yes, my daughter is gaining weight, in fact she isn't even 6 months yet and already weighs 18 pounds. The second thing I think is would you be saying the same thing if it was your child? NO!
I'm sure that the people who have said this to me did not mean to upset me, rather, they were probably trying to reassure me. The problem is, nothing is going to reassure any mother when their child is bleeding from an unknown cause and it takes 4 months to get definitive reasons as to the cause.
Tomorrow is our follow up appointment with the pediatric GI specialist and we will hopefully finally get some answers. I am particularly happy because my parents are coming with me and I think the doctor will treat me with a little bit more respect with them present. Wish us luck!
I'm sure that the people who have said this to me did not mean to upset me, rather, they were probably trying to reassure me. The problem is, nothing is going to reassure any mother when their child is bleeding from an unknown cause and it takes 4 months to get definitive reasons as to the cause.
Tomorrow is our follow up appointment with the pediatric GI specialist and we will hopefully finally get some answers. I am particularly happy because my parents are coming with me and I think the doctor will treat me with a little bit more respect with them present. Wish us luck!
Monday, April 19, 2010
The "In" Crowd
It is very easy to feel isolated living up here, so far away from family and friends, especially with Sgt D deployed. Sometimes I feel as though I am back in high school and I am not part of the "in" crowd.
The "in" crowd is that group of army wives from our unit that get together at least once a week to commiserate and what not. I have never been invited to any of these get togethers, and occasionally that really gets to me, especially since I am supposedly friends with several of the women who attend. I do not know why I let it get to me, considering the fact that in all likely hood I would never go myself. I am not one for idle gossip and I stick to Baby D's bedtime routine as if my life depended on it...mainly because my sleep does. All that aside, it does not make the fact that I am blatantly left out every week hurt any less.
I guess I will just have to continue to remind myself that if these women cannot be bothered to include me then maybe they are not really my friends after all. I graduated from high school 11 years ago and sometimes it feels as though I will be stuck in 3rd period English forever!
The "in" crowd is that group of army wives from our unit that get together at least once a week to commiserate and what not. I have never been invited to any of these get togethers, and occasionally that really gets to me, especially since I am supposedly friends with several of the women who attend. I do not know why I let it get to me, considering the fact that in all likely hood I would never go myself. I am not one for idle gossip and I stick to Baby D's bedtime routine as if my life depended on it...mainly because my sleep does. All that aside, it does not make the fact that I am blatantly left out every week hurt any less.
I guess I will just have to continue to remind myself that if these women cannot be bothered to include me then maybe they are not really my friends after all. I graduated from high school 11 years ago and sometimes it feels as though I will be stuck in 3rd period English forever!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Naked Baby
Baby D likes to be naked.
In fact, that might just be the understatement of the year, she LOVES to be naked. Put her in just a diaper and her whole personality changes. She becomes this baby who loves to move and explore. She becomes more vocal and smiles even more often.
The only problem with her loving nudity, is that when it becomes absolutely necessary to wear clothes, like when we have to go out, at naptime or at bedtime, she screams her head off. I mean, you would think that I was trying to cut her toes off with gardening shears.
I can't wait to see how Sgt D reacts to his daughters love of nudity when he comes home!
In fact, that might just be the understatement of the year, she LOVES to be naked. Put her in just a diaper and her whole personality changes. She becomes this baby who loves to move and explore. She becomes more vocal and smiles even more often.
The only problem with her loving nudity, is that when it becomes absolutely necessary to wear clothes, like when we have to go out, at naptime or at bedtime, she screams her head off. I mean, you would think that I was trying to cut her toes off with gardening shears.
I can't wait to see how Sgt D reacts to his daughters love of nudity when he comes home!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Moral Support
I am very blessed. I get moral support from just about everyone in my life, in fact I can't think of one person who is not in my corner (at least in some form or another). Part of that is the people I choose to surround myself with, the other part of it is...I guess there is no other part, I simply have amazing people in my life. I have my wonderful husband, who I miss desperately. I have my parents, my god parents, my in-laws, and true friends who sometimes seem more like family than friends.
I received a letter in the mail from my husband yesterday and it made me cry. Not because it was bad news, and not because I was missing him horribly (which I always am), but because he said exactly what I so desperately needed someone to say. That I am a good mom. I have heard it from friends, and I hear it all the time from my mom, but to hear it from him somehow made it feel more true. He is not even here to see or know all that Baby D and I go through each day, but somehow he just knew what I needed.
I would like to thank all the wonderful people in my life for being there. Even when I am being moronically stupid and self-deprecating. Thank you for putting up with me and for all the joy, love and support that you bring into my life...you know who you are :)
I received a letter in the mail from my husband yesterday and it made me cry. Not because it was bad news, and not because I was missing him horribly (which I always am), but because he said exactly what I so desperately needed someone to say. That I am a good mom. I have heard it from friends, and I hear it all the time from my mom, but to hear it from him somehow made it feel more true. He is not even here to see or know all that Baby D and I go through each day, but somehow he just knew what I needed.
I would like to thank all the wonderful people in my life for being there. Even when I am being moronically stupid and self-deprecating. Thank you for putting up with me and for all the joy, love and support that you bring into my life...you know who you are :)
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Bad News
How do you break bad news to some one who is thousands of miles away? I mean, if I tell Sgt D about something terrible that happened or is happening, what good does it do? Yes, he does know about it, but does it also make him feel somehow powerless? He is thousands of miles away and is not able to do anything about it other than listen and then sit on the FOB feeling guilty that he is not here to help. Even if his being here would not change anything, I'm sure he feels somehow helpless, I know I would.
So how do you do it? How would you tell someone about a bad thing that has happened in their civilian life? I just do not know how to do it in a way that is not going to end up causing even more damage than necessary...
So how do you do it? How would you tell someone about a bad thing that has happened in their civilian life? I just do not know how to do it in a way that is not going to end up causing even more damage than necessary...
Saturday, March 20, 2010
What's in a name?
EVERYTHING!!!
Baby D knows her name! She is only 18 weeks and 2 days old and she knows her name. One of my proudest mommy moments yet! I confirmed it by the fact that she turned her head away from the television when I called her name so I could take her picture. She did this not just once, but twice!
I cannot wait for Sgt D to call so I can tell him about his baby girl!
Baby D knows her name! She is only 18 weeks and 2 days old and she knows her name. One of my proudest mommy moments yet! I confirmed it by the fact that she turned her head away from the television when I called her name so I could take her picture. She did this not just once, but twice!
I cannot wait for Sgt D to call so I can tell him about his baby girl!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Sleep
Sleep. It is precious. I would even go so far as to say that it is sacred, and I certainly do not think that until 18 weeks ago I gave sleep the kind of respect that it deserves.
Sleep rejuvenates us, helps us to stay healthy and fight off illness. It helps us maintain our sanity during times of stress (both emotional and physical). It is good for us on so many levels and I honestly never gave it much thought until recently.
AnneMarie is like any typical baby her age (18 weeks). She gets tired after a few hours and needs to take a nap. She usually takes 2 or 3 a day. Nighttime sleep is a whole different story. She will fall asleep anywhere between 6 and 8 pm, and wakes up like clockwork at 11:30 pm for a "midnight" feeding. Then the rest of the night is in someone else's hands. Take last night for example: she was up at 11:20 pm for her "midnight" feeding, and then fell promptly back to sleep. At 1:51 am she was back awake. She wasn't hungry, she just wanted a playmate. I went in after 20 plus minutes of fussing that turned into full blown screaming/crying with tears and nursed her to what I thought was asleep. Boy was I wrong, as soon as I was back in my room and halfway into my bed...she was fussing/screaming again. I went back to her room to try to rock her down and she was not having it. She smiled at me and stared at me expectantly for 20 minutes as if to say "Are we going to play now?" I finally put her down, took the baby monitor, went into my office, turned off the monitor and fell asleep while she fussed. I woke up an hour later, turned the monitor back on and she was asleep. AnneMarie then slept until 6:23am, nursed herself back to sleep and remains in her bed now.
I realize that according to all kinds of different "sleep experts" there are probably a thousand opinions on the different things I did "wrong" last night, but you know what...I'm alone, with no help to speak of, no support in just letting her cry it out in the middle of the night (or anytime of day really) and I had to do what I had to do. She isn't going to be helped by an exhausted mommy and she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. (At least that is what I told myself 1000 times before I turned the monitor off.)
I can't wait until that wonderful morning where I wake up at 6am and lay there in awe and wonderment at the fact that my little girl made it a whole night.
Sleep is precious people!
Sleep rejuvenates us, helps us to stay healthy and fight off illness. It helps us maintain our sanity during times of stress (both emotional and physical). It is good for us on so many levels and I honestly never gave it much thought until recently.
AnneMarie is like any typical baby her age (18 weeks). She gets tired after a few hours and needs to take a nap. She usually takes 2 or 3 a day. Nighttime sleep is a whole different story. She will fall asleep anywhere between 6 and 8 pm, and wakes up like clockwork at 11:30 pm for a "midnight" feeding. Then the rest of the night is in someone else's hands. Take last night for example: she was up at 11:20 pm for her "midnight" feeding, and then fell promptly back to sleep. At 1:51 am she was back awake. She wasn't hungry, she just wanted a playmate. I went in after 20 plus minutes of fussing that turned into full blown screaming/crying with tears and nursed her to what I thought was asleep. Boy was I wrong, as soon as I was back in my room and halfway into my bed...she was fussing/screaming again. I went back to her room to try to rock her down and she was not having it. She smiled at me and stared at me expectantly for 20 minutes as if to say "Are we going to play now?" I finally put her down, took the baby monitor, went into my office, turned off the monitor and fell asleep while she fussed. I woke up an hour later, turned the monitor back on and she was asleep. AnneMarie then slept until 6:23am, nursed herself back to sleep and remains in her bed now.
I realize that according to all kinds of different "sleep experts" there are probably a thousand opinions on the different things I did "wrong" last night, but you know what...I'm alone, with no help to speak of, no support in just letting her cry it out in the middle of the night (or anytime of day really) and I had to do what I had to do. She isn't going to be helped by an exhausted mommy and she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. (At least that is what I told myself 1000 times before I turned the monitor off.)
I can't wait until that wonderful morning where I wake up at 6am and lay there in awe and wonderment at the fact that my little girl made it a whole night.
Sleep is precious people!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Home
Home has come to have new meaning for me. Home used to be where I grew up, where my parents were and all the people I went to school with. Now home is where Sgt D is (even though he isn't here right now). I spent 4 weeks at "home" with my parents, and the whole time I just felt as though there was this hole in my heart. I got back to my own house yesterday and even though Sgt D is not here, this really feels like home.
All of our memories are in this house, all of his things, our furniture, our bed, our computer, but most importantly, he is here. I can get up every morning and see his boots lined up under our counter and I know I'm home. I can open our closet and see all of his clothes and know I'm home. I can open my eyes in the morning and see all of his war books lined up on top of his dresser and know that I'm home. Somehow, being in California and him not being there makes it feel less like home. I guess that is because Sgt D is such a major part of my definition of home now.
Don't get me wrong, I loved visiting with my parents. I have missed them every day since I moved up here, but there is just something different about being there versus being here, and that difference is Sgt D.
All of our memories are in this house, all of his things, our furniture, our bed, our computer, but most importantly, he is here. I can get up every morning and see his boots lined up under our counter and I know I'm home. I can open our closet and see all of his clothes and know I'm home. I can open my eyes in the morning and see all of his war books lined up on top of his dresser and know that I'm home. Somehow, being in California and him not being there makes it feel less like home. I guess that is because Sgt D is such a major part of my definition of home now.
Don't get me wrong, I loved visiting with my parents. I have missed them every day since I moved up here, but there is just something different about being there versus being here, and that difference is Sgt D.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
2 months down
SGT D has been gone for two months and here's what I've learned:
1. The term friendship means different things to different people. It is a lot more flexible for some people than others.
2. I am stronger than I ever imagined - both physically and emotionally. It is amazing what you can accomplish when there are no men around to help you... Not to mention when you have a 16 lb baby to carry around everywhere.
3. Family is important - and the definition of family is flexible. You can surround yourself with people who become an extended family when yours cannot be there.
4. Smiles are priceless and one smile in the morning can make up for an entire night of screaming :D
5. You can either let a deployment beat you or you can beat a deployment. It is all about attitude and outlook. If you face it as only a year and lately the years have been flying by at lightening speed, then it really is not that long.
6. You can accomplish more than you ever thought possible if you empower yourself. Give yourself permission to solve problems on your own and you will be able to! So far I have filed our taxes, sold and bought a car on my own. Next month...paying off Sgt D's truck!
7. It is ok to let yourself feel down once in awhile. You do not have to be a rock all the time, give yourself permission to cry, just do not make it an every day occurrence or the deployment will begin to beat you and you cannot allow that!
8. Grandparents are awesome! As are next door neighbors!
1. The term friendship means different things to different people. It is a lot more flexible for some people than others.
2. I am stronger than I ever imagined - both physically and emotionally. It is amazing what you can accomplish when there are no men around to help you... Not to mention when you have a 16 lb baby to carry around everywhere.
3. Family is important - and the definition of family is flexible. You can surround yourself with people who become an extended family when yours cannot be there.
4. Smiles are priceless and one smile in the morning can make up for an entire night of screaming :D
5. You can either let a deployment beat you or you can beat a deployment. It is all about attitude and outlook. If you face it as only a year and lately the years have been flying by at lightening speed, then it really is not that long.
6. You can accomplish more than you ever thought possible if you empower yourself. Give yourself permission to solve problems on your own and you will be able to! So far I have filed our taxes, sold and bought a car on my own. Next month...paying off Sgt D's truck!
7. It is ok to let yourself feel down once in awhile. You do not have to be a rock all the time, give yourself permission to cry, just do not make it an every day occurrence or the deployment will begin to beat you and you cannot allow that!
8. Grandparents are awesome! As are next door neighbors!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
I just need a second...
Lately, I feel like I need to ask permission to bitch. As though I need to preface my rant with "I just need to get this off my chest, please do not try to compare your issues with mine, just let me speak my peace so I can move on."
Sometimes I just need to rant, when I am particularly upset about something I just want to be able to complain, rant and rave until I have gotten it out of my system. It usually does not take long, and I am only looking for an ear, a shoulder, a friend. I have found, however, that lately if I have something I need to get off my chest, certain friends (not anyone that reads this blog), feel the need to tell me that my situation is not that bad, and they have experienced something to much worse, or they know someone who has. I do not know how to tell these people that I do not really care about what they have gone through, or what someone else has gone through, that I am more concerned with myself, my baby girl and my husband right now. Is it really that hard to just listen and be empathetic?
I think what other people do not understand is that unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really cannot compare experiences. The best you can do is listen and if (and only if) asked provide helpful suggestions. Do not try to compare, as I cannot possibly exactly understand what someone else is experiencing, you cannot truly understand my pain. All I need is for you to please be a good friend and listen. Thank you.
Sometimes I just need to rant, when I am particularly upset about something I just want to be able to complain, rant and rave until I have gotten it out of my system. It usually does not take long, and I am only looking for an ear, a shoulder, a friend. I have found, however, that lately if I have something I need to get off my chest, certain friends (not anyone that reads this blog), feel the need to tell me that my situation is not that bad, and they have experienced something to much worse, or they know someone who has. I do not know how to tell these people that I do not really care about what they have gone through, or what someone else has gone through, that I am more concerned with myself, my baby girl and my husband right now. Is it really that hard to just listen and be empathetic?
I think what other people do not understand is that unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really cannot compare experiences. The best you can do is listen and if (and only if) asked provide helpful suggestions. Do not try to compare, as I cannot possibly exactly understand what someone else is experiencing, you cannot truly understand my pain. All I need is for you to please be a good friend and listen. Thank you.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
A Pain You Cannot Make Go Away
Today I had to take my little baby girl to the hospital for some tests. She has been having blood in her diapers for over a month and the first three times we went to the doctor (including one ER visit last Friday) the doctors said that she had anal fissures (tears in her bottom). I had a hard time believing that so I took her back to the doctor today, and low and behold, the doctor agreed with me that there was no tears and there must be another cause for the blood.
The doctor said that we needed to run tests for baby anemia because she has been losing blood for a month. This is incredibly dangerous because anemia in a baby so young can cause developmental delays. They are also testing her for food allergies, because she is breastfed only it is possible that she is allergic to something that I am eating. I am hoping to get answers pronto.
It was the worst day ever, 1000 times worse then when she got her vaccines. They had to use three different veins to get blood out of her, and they finally had to squeeze the blood out of her hand. She cried and screamed the entire time. I felt so helpless. I now know that the hardest part of being a mom is when your baby is in pain and you cannot make that pain go away.
The doctor said that we needed to run tests for baby anemia because she has been losing blood for a month. This is incredibly dangerous because anemia in a baby so young can cause developmental delays. They are also testing her for food allergies, because she is breastfed only it is possible that she is allergic to something that I am eating. I am hoping to get answers pronto.
It was the worst day ever, 1000 times worse then when she got her vaccines. They had to use three different veins to get blood out of her, and they finally had to squeeze the blood out of her hand. She cried and screamed the entire time. I felt so helpless. I now know that the hardest part of being a mom is when your baby is in pain and you cannot make that pain go away.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
First Cold
Baby D has her first cold, complicated by a her first bout of pink eye. My heart is in pieces seeing her so sick. I cannot remember a time in my life where I have ever felt so helpless and so mean at the same time. I feel helpless because I cannot take her pain away, I feel mean because I have to give her pink eye medication and I hate making my little girl cry :(
In other news Sgt D is so far doing well. He's been gone for a month and received his first care package already. I have his third one all together. I just need to get my butt to the post office to send it. It feels really weird to be sending him a birthday care package when his birthday is a month away, but I want to make sure he gets it in time. Mom, dad and I bought him a PSP and a few games. I think he is really going to enjoy it.
Missing daddy big time!
In other news Sgt D is so far doing well. He's been gone for a month and received his first care package already. I have his third one all together. I just need to get my butt to the post office to send it. It feels really weird to be sending him a birthday care package when his birthday is a month away, but I want to make sure he gets it in time. Mom, dad and I bought him a PSP and a few games. I think he is really going to enjoy it.
Missing daddy big time!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Mommy Pillow
I have recently discovered that I make an incredibly comfortable pillow, at least in the eyes of my 2 month old. In fact as I type she is passed out on my chest acting as my own personal heater.
Today she was very fussy, most likely due to the fact that yesterday she had her 2 month check up and her first round of vaccines. The nurse told me it would make her a little fussy, and boy was she right. So far I have rocked her to sleep four separate times and each time she has woke up unhappy, so for the fifth time I laid her on my chest and she is fast asleep. Now I'm afraid to move. I guess that means I'm significantly more comfortable than her cradle or crib. Tomorrow we are going to go out and do something.
Today she was very fussy, most likely due to the fact that yesterday she had her 2 month check up and her first round of vaccines. The nurse told me it would make her a little fussy, and boy was she right. So far I have rocked her to sleep four separate times and each time she has woke up unhappy, so for the fifth time I laid her on my chest and she is fast asleep. Now I'm afraid to move. I guess that means I'm significantly more comfortable than her cradle or crib. Tomorrow we are going to go out and do something.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Patience
Anybody who knows me knows that I was not blessed with an over abundance of patience. Let's be honest, I was not blessed with any patience. Ever since Baby D was born though, boy have I had some learning to do, and it is a steep learning curve. Here are a few things I've learned:
1. Be patient when changing a diaper, if you do not wait long enough you will either get peed or pooped on, and sometimes...both!
2. Be patient when breastfeeding, if you get frustrated so will the baby and that only leads to getting bit or gummed.
3. Be patient when putting the baby down in her crib, if you put her down before she is truly asleep, it could easily be another hour before she really falls asleep.
4. Be patient with yourself, if you think you should have things down immediately and this is your first baby, then share what you are smoking with me, because it does not all come that easy. It isn't like woosh the baby is out and you become super mom. Nope, you have to work really hard, and even then, you are going to screw up.
If you are really patient you sometimes get rewarded with toothless grins like this one:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)