Sunday, July 21, 2013


Warning, stop reading now if you don't want to listen to my whining. It is your choice to read this, don't judge how I feel...

Sometimes I feel, as a military spouse, that when I married someone serving in the armed forces that I lost the right to whine. You see when my husband leaves, for no matter how long I almost feel like if I say that I'm sad he is gone, or I wish he was here, or it is so hard being a single parent, that I'm looked down upon. The crazy thing is that I feel like I'm looked down upon by civilians and military people alike.

The military side because I "signed up for this" and I should just suck it up. Well you know what, yes I did marry a soldier, but my daughter certainly had no say in his job and it is hard to watch her suffer any time he is away, even when it is only 24 hours for a duty shift. Having lived through 2 deployments in her very short life, she thinks any time he doesn't come home for dinner that he has gone to Afghanistan again, and that is just so hard to have to explain, over and over again. My big girl panties are on and I do deal with being a single parent to the very best of my abilities but just because I married someone in the army doesn't mean I have forfeited my right to whine about how hard it is at times.

From the civilian side I feel like people are thinking, well 28 days should be no big deal to you, you've done 2 tours without him. All I can think is "Seriously!?! You whine if you husband is gone for more than an 8 hour shift at work! God forbid you have to do every single thing by yourself, all the time, for months on end!" I'm sorry if I just lived through 9 months of him away and I don't want him to be gone again, and so soon, for any length of time.

Now don't get me wrong, not everyone, or really very many people in my life have ever made me feel this way (they certainly haven't said these words to my face) but I can't stop feeling like I'm not allowed to whine about SSG D being gone. So here I am whining. In my personal space. I hate that my husband is gone, I hate that tomorrow I am going to have to explain to Preschooler D that daddy will be back soon and he isn't in Afghanistan and that he wishes more than anything in the word that he could be home, but sadly he can't.  One day I hope and pray she understands the choices we made for our family but for right now I just need to make sure we are helping her to understand the current day and that she feels as though she is surrounded by love.

Whine done!


Susan Walters Schmid said...

You are absolutely entitled to whine and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. We all get to whine sometimes. I don't like it when Pat is at conference for a week, so why should you like it when SSG D is gone for a month, or more, or less? Yes, we are competent women, we can do stuff (or call the right people to do it :-)), but that's not really the point. We chose to spend our lives with this person and it would be a little absurd if we just couldn't wait for them to leave.

As Preschooler D gets older I suspect explaining gets both easier and harder, but I am quite sure that when she is old enough, she will understand. There is no doubt in my mind that she feels the love and support that comes from both of you, and always will.

It is very hard for many people to "walk a mile in the other person's shoes." Perhaps that is something of great value parents can convey to their children.

desertskyquilts said...

That was certainly a short, mild whine. Next time, turn up the volume and wail! =) You have every right to whine and geeze. If someone thinks you don't, that is their problem, not yours! I hope it's a long time before he's gone even on an over-weekender.