Almost invariably when people find out that I am a military spouse they make the comment "wow, you are so strong, I don't think I could do that."
I really kind of hate hearing that. I also hate the fact that within the military community you have to be strong and if you show any signs of weakness then you are kind of looked down upon. Well, here's a newsflash. Today, I do not feel strong, I don't feel weak necessarily, but definitely not strong.
I want my husband, I want him home and by my side. No, I'm not whining, I am simply stating a fact. I married him because I love him, I enjoy his company, and he makes my world whole and complete. Having him gone for so long is hard. I know some would say that you signed up for this when you married him, and you know what I would say to them...I didn't sign up for anything more or less than loving him. I would also say, that I married him, not his job. I don't have to like the deployments or enjoy them, in fact I would say that any military spouse who does like and enjoy them...well they need to work on their priorities.
It is hard to be away from him, it is hard to live with so much uncertainty.
I almost feel some days like I have to ask permission to have a bad day, or as if I should feel guilty for it. I am so OVER that. I am allowed to have a bad day once in awhile. Nobody can be 100% strong, 100% all of the time. Today, I give myself permission to miss my best friend, to feel bad that my daughter is missing out on him. I give myself permission to be sad. Tomorrow, I can put my big girl panties back on and be strong again, but today...I give myself permission to grieve the time we are missing.