I was talking to Sgt D today and I told him that it was good he called me today because if he hadn't I would have started to worry. I told him it was a sickness and that I would be cured of this disease sometime in the next 4 or 5 months. He laughed because oddly enough my time frame for a cure coincides with his not soon enough homecoming :)
I realize that a deployment isn't a disease, but sometimes the side effects can feel like one. The constant worrying, the sleepless nights (oh wait, those are mostly because of Baby D), the emptiness in my heart, etc etc.
I can't wait for my cure and I am so glad that we have more than passed the halfway point!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
And now in Baby news...
She stands! Well she can pull herself up to standing from a seated position when sitting on her changing table, but in my mind that is still a huge milestone.
And speaking of milestones, Baby D sure has had a lot of them lately. She is now eating most veggies and has had bananas, pears (which she is allergic too), peaches and apples. Next week we are going to do mangoes. She is eating chicken and turkey now too. The coolest thing when it comes to eating, at least from the mommy perspective, is that she likes to feed herself now. She can feed herself puffs, biter biscuits (her favorite), and last night she fed herself chunks of sweet potato for the first time. Baby D is growing so fast it is amazing.
As of this morning she weighs 21.5 lbs, is wearing size 12 and 18 month clothes and size 4 diapers. I can't believe how far she has come since November when she weighed 8 lbs and was wearing newborn clothes. My little girl is not so little anymore, but she is definitely still my baby.
And speaking of milestones, Baby D sure has had a lot of them lately. She is now eating most veggies and has had bananas, pears (which she is allergic too), peaches and apples. Next week we are going to do mangoes. She is eating chicken and turkey now too. The coolest thing when it comes to eating, at least from the mommy perspective, is that she likes to feed herself now. She can feed herself puffs, biter biscuits (her favorite), and last night she fed herself chunks of sweet potato for the first time. Baby D is growing so fast it is amazing.
As of this morning she weighs 21.5 lbs, is wearing size 12 and 18 month clothes and size 4 diapers. I can't believe how far she has come since November when she weighed 8 lbs and was wearing newborn clothes. My little girl is not so little anymore, but she is definitely still my baby.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Dear Deployment
I hate you. I realize that hate is a very strong emotion but I cannot help the way that I feel. You have taken so much from my family this year. You have deprived me of my partner in life, Sgt D. You have deprived Baby D of her wonderful loving daddy, and you have taken away Sgt D’s only opportunity to see Baby D grow and change during the first year of her life.
We have missed out on so many things this year. We lost Valentine’s Day. It would have been nice to have been able to cook a candlelit dinner for my husband and enjoy a quiet romantic moment with him after Baby D went to bed. We missed out on Sgt D’s birthday in March. I love birthdays, and celebrating them has always been important to me, this year would have been amazing for Sgt D because it was the day that Baby D laughed for the first time. He would have loved to receive that as a present. Our first Easter with Baby D came and went without any fanfare. I dressed her up in her bunny outfit and took some really cute pictures to send him, but other than that it was just another day in our lives.
Mother’s Day was particularly difficult for me. It was my first Mother’s Day, not counting last year when I was pregnant, and I am sure that Sgt D would have done something special to celebrate the day. I guess I will have to wait until next year to find out what it would be like to have my whole family present. My mom did rescue the day partially by being with us. It was nice to be together, three generations of women, but if I had a choice, I would much rather have had Sgt D deployed! Father’s Day was really hard, harder than Mother’s Day actually. I wanted to make him feel special and let him know just how important he is to our family, but alas, I had to settle for a 15 min conversation on the phone. I couldn’t even send him a care package for a multitude of reasons, so he will get his Father’s Day presents some time in July.
I cannot say that this experience has been all bad. I have learned how to do so much on my own. I have learned that I can go for months on end sleep deprived and not kill every person that tells me babies do sleep through the night. I have developed a sense of control over my emotions that I never previously had. I used to let the tiniest thing set me off and maybe it is a combination of becoming a mother and having to deal with everything on my own, but I do not sweat the small stuff nearly as much as I used to. I think that the love that Sgt D and I have for each other has grown even deeper and that we have developed a more intense appreciate for each of our little quirks. I miss watching him come home and straighten up our house because he can’t sit still unless it is perfect.
Maybe hate is too strong of a word…but I know this much deployment, we will never be friends. You have taken too much from my family and I.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled army wife of a deployed soldier
Mrs. D
Monday, June 21, 2010
Moments
I think I may have finally figured out the part of this deployment that I hate most. It is all the little moments that Sgt D is missing in Baby D's life.
He missed the first time that she turned in response to her name. That was such a huge moment that I actually wrote a blog post about it. He missed the first time she discovered her feet. Now it is a challenge to keep them out of her mouth, which I really only do when she is wearing socks. Nothing like having wet socks on your feet. He missed the first time she reached out when someone offered her their hands and asked if she wanted to come to them, that was so amazing because I was finally able to see her social personality developing. He missed the first time that she impatiently put her arms out when lying on her back and grunted at me as if to say "you will help me to sit up...NOW!"
All of these moments have added up to watching her fun and bright personality develop. This deployment has stolen so many moments from us, but I can't bring myself to be bitter towards it. As much as this deployment sucks and as much as I hate it, it has given me so many life changing moments that have taught me volumes about myself and my family. I only wish Sgt D could have been here to experience them firsthand.
He missed the first time that she turned in response to her name. That was such a huge moment that I actually wrote a blog post about it. He missed the first time she discovered her feet. Now it is a challenge to keep them out of her mouth, which I really only do when she is wearing socks. Nothing like having wet socks on your feet. He missed the first time she reached out when someone offered her their hands and asked if she wanted to come to them, that was so amazing because I was finally able to see her social personality developing. He missed the first time that she impatiently put her arms out when lying on her back and grunted at me as if to say "you will help me to sit up...NOW!"
All of these moments have added up to watching her fun and bright personality develop. This deployment has stolen so many moments from us, but I can't bring myself to be bitter towards it. As much as this deployment sucks and as much as I hate it, it has given me so many life changing moments that have taught me volumes about myself and my family. I only wish Sgt D could have been here to experience them firsthand.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Holidays
This was going to be a post about Father's Day, but clearly I am a day late and a dollar short on that bus ride. So instead I decided to write about holidays and special occasions in general and how much they have changed for me over the past 7ish months.
The biggest change is Baby D. Holidays and special occasions were always cool to me simply because they were special and they break up the monotony of our every day lives. It is nice to have something to celebrate and while some holidays (like Valentine's Day) are asinine to me, I do enjoy them for the most part. Whether it be picking out cards to send to special people or maybe wearing a cute themed outfit (St. Patrick's Day comes to mind), it is a nice distraction from our daily grind. Now I get to dress up Baby D for the holiday and, well this goes without saying, I get to take cute pictures of her, and as she gets older these holidays will only be more fun as she starts to take a real interest in them.
The other big change is of course that Sgt D has been gone since the beginning of the year and I no longer get to celebrate anything with him. I realize that this is only temporary, but I never realized just how much that would change my perspective on things. I think I can honestly say that if it were not for our beautiful baby girl, I probably would have skipped or ignored the vast majority of holidays this year.
The day I am looking forward to least is my upcoming birthday. I am going to be 29, Sgt D is always reminding just how close I am to the big 3 0, and I just don't really feel like celebrating. For starters, I can't have anything to eat that I would like to because of Baby D's food allergies. This means no cake, no ice cream, no pie. I am honestly considering telling my mom to just stick a candle in my salad for me to blow out. I know this too is only temporary, and that this time next year I will get to eat real food again, but for some reason it makes it feel even less like I am having a birthday. Then there is the fact that I picked out and bought my own birthday present from Sgt D. He is in Afghanistan and not exactly near any great stores to go shopping so I decided to take care of it myself. I got exactly what I wanted and it is a fairly practical gift (a Tom Tom with lifetime traffic and maps), but this too makes the day less special. I will have no presents to open, although I am sure my mom and dad will have a card for me which will be nice (they already bought me a nice brand new pair of sandals that I wanted).
I guess to sum this long blog post up, I can just say that things have certainly changed this past year, especially my perspective on life. More importantly though...I can't wait for next year. Even if it does mean I will be turning thirty!
The biggest change is Baby D. Holidays and special occasions were always cool to me simply because they were special and they break up the monotony of our every day lives. It is nice to have something to celebrate and while some holidays (like Valentine's Day) are asinine to me, I do enjoy them for the most part. Whether it be picking out cards to send to special people or maybe wearing a cute themed outfit (St. Patrick's Day comes to mind), it is a nice distraction from our daily grind. Now I get to dress up Baby D for the holiday and, well this goes without saying, I get to take cute pictures of her, and as she gets older these holidays will only be more fun as she starts to take a real interest in them.
The other big change is of course that Sgt D has been gone since the beginning of the year and I no longer get to celebrate anything with him. I realize that this is only temporary, but I never realized just how much that would change my perspective on things. I think I can honestly say that if it were not for our beautiful baby girl, I probably would have skipped or ignored the vast majority of holidays this year.
The day I am looking forward to least is my upcoming birthday. I am going to be 29, Sgt D is always reminding just how close I am to the big 3 0, and I just don't really feel like celebrating. For starters, I can't have anything to eat that I would like to because of Baby D's food allergies. This means no cake, no ice cream, no pie. I am honestly considering telling my mom to just stick a candle in my salad for me to blow out. I know this too is only temporary, and that this time next year I will get to eat real food again, but for some reason it makes it feel even less like I am having a birthday. Then there is the fact that I picked out and bought my own birthday present from Sgt D. He is in Afghanistan and not exactly near any great stores to go shopping so I decided to take care of it myself. I got exactly what I wanted and it is a fairly practical gift (a Tom Tom with lifetime traffic and maps), but this too makes the day less special. I will have no presents to open, although I am sure my mom and dad will have a card for me which will be nice (they already bought me a nice brand new pair of sandals that I wanted).
I guess to sum this long blog post up, I can just say that things have certainly changed this past year, especially my perspective on life. More importantly though...I can't wait for next year. Even if it does mean I will be turning thirty!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
The month of May
Some of you may have noticed that I did not blog at all in the month of May. Believe me I have a good reason. I spent the entire month sick and in and out of the hospital trying to get properly diagnosed and then treated. The real icing on the cake was the fact that the treatment proceeded to make both Baby D and I sick after wards!
I am lucky because my mom was able to come up to Washington and take care of Baby D and I while I recovered. I ended up getting mastitis, which turned into staph (because the doctors put me on the wrong medication) and then Baby D and I both got Thrush/yeast infection. To say the least May was a really fun month.
Some good things happened though. Baby D turned 6 months old. I got to enjoy my first Mother's Day, I even got a really special card from Sgt D. We made a new good friend and Baby D had 3 play dates this month. I am trying to get her used to being around lots of different people so she will be social.
We are both healthy now, and the best part is that we are in California with my parents. Baby D has finally found her voice and is babbling away. She sounds so cute, but let me tell you, when she is angry, watch out! She is learning so much everyday and it is fun to watch her discover new things. She recently discovered her ears and likes to pull them a lot, she has also discovered arching her back and she does it every time she gets upset or is done with whatever activity we are doing.
I am lucky because my mom was able to come up to Washington and take care of Baby D and I while I recovered. I ended up getting mastitis, which turned into staph (because the doctors put me on the wrong medication) and then Baby D and I both got Thrush/yeast infection. To say the least May was a really fun month.
Some good things happened though. Baby D turned 6 months old. I got to enjoy my first Mother's Day, I even got a really special card from Sgt D. We made a new good friend and Baby D had 3 play dates this month. I am trying to get her used to being around lots of different people so she will be social.
We are both healthy now, and the best part is that we are in California with my parents. Baby D has finally found her voice and is babbling away. She sounds so cute, but let me tell you, when she is angry, watch out! She is learning so much everyday and it is fun to watch her discover new things. She recently discovered her ears and likes to pull them a lot, she has also discovered arching her back and she does it every time she gets upset or is done with whatever activity we are doing.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Clearly She's Thriving
The past 4 months I have heard "clearly she's thriving" a lot. I have heard it from doctors and even from friends and family. It has always been after I have told someone that Baby D has been bleeding in her stool since Christmas. Believe it or not, hearing "clearly she's thriving" evokes a very powerful angry and frustrated response from me. The first thing I think is that yes, my daughter is gaining weight, in fact she isn't even 6 months yet and already weighs 18 pounds. The second thing I think is would you be saying the same thing if it was your child? NO!
I'm sure that the people who have said this to me did not mean to upset me, rather, they were probably trying to reassure me. The problem is, nothing is going to reassure any mother when their child is bleeding from an unknown cause and it takes 4 months to get definitive reasons as to the cause.
Tomorrow is our follow up appointment with the pediatric GI specialist and we will hopefully finally get some answers. I am particularly happy because my parents are coming with me and I think the doctor will treat me with a little bit more respect with them present. Wish us luck!
I'm sure that the people who have said this to me did not mean to upset me, rather, they were probably trying to reassure me. The problem is, nothing is going to reassure any mother when their child is bleeding from an unknown cause and it takes 4 months to get definitive reasons as to the cause.
Tomorrow is our follow up appointment with the pediatric GI specialist and we will hopefully finally get some answers. I am particularly happy because my parents are coming with me and I think the doctor will treat me with a little bit more respect with them present. Wish us luck!
Monday, April 19, 2010
The "In" Crowd
It is very easy to feel isolated living up here, so far away from family and friends, especially with Sgt D deployed. Sometimes I feel as though I am back in high school and I am not part of the "in" crowd.
The "in" crowd is that group of army wives from our unit that get together at least once a week to commiserate and what not. I have never been invited to any of these get togethers, and occasionally that really gets to me, especially since I am supposedly friends with several of the women who attend. I do not know why I let it get to me, considering the fact that in all likely hood I would never go myself. I am not one for idle gossip and I stick to Baby D's bedtime routine as if my life depended on it...mainly because my sleep does. All that aside, it does not make the fact that I am blatantly left out every week hurt any less.
I guess I will just have to continue to remind myself that if these women cannot be bothered to include me then maybe they are not really my friends after all. I graduated from high school 11 years ago and sometimes it feels as though I will be stuck in 3rd period English forever!
The "in" crowd is that group of army wives from our unit that get together at least once a week to commiserate and what not. I have never been invited to any of these get togethers, and occasionally that really gets to me, especially since I am supposedly friends with several of the women who attend. I do not know why I let it get to me, considering the fact that in all likely hood I would never go myself. I am not one for idle gossip and I stick to Baby D's bedtime routine as if my life depended on it...mainly because my sleep does. All that aside, it does not make the fact that I am blatantly left out every week hurt any less.
I guess I will just have to continue to remind myself that if these women cannot be bothered to include me then maybe they are not really my friends after all. I graduated from high school 11 years ago and sometimes it feels as though I will be stuck in 3rd period English forever!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Naked Baby
Baby D likes to be naked.
In fact, that might just be the understatement of the year, she LOVES to be naked. Put her in just a diaper and her whole personality changes. She becomes this baby who loves to move and explore. She becomes more vocal and smiles even more often.
The only problem with her loving nudity, is that when it becomes absolutely necessary to wear clothes, like when we have to go out, at naptime or at bedtime, she screams her head off. I mean, you would think that I was trying to cut her toes off with gardening shears.
I can't wait to see how Sgt D reacts to his daughters love of nudity when he comes home!
In fact, that might just be the understatement of the year, she LOVES to be naked. Put her in just a diaper and her whole personality changes. She becomes this baby who loves to move and explore. She becomes more vocal and smiles even more often.
The only problem with her loving nudity, is that when it becomes absolutely necessary to wear clothes, like when we have to go out, at naptime or at bedtime, she screams her head off. I mean, you would think that I was trying to cut her toes off with gardening shears.
I can't wait to see how Sgt D reacts to his daughters love of nudity when he comes home!
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Moral Support
I am very blessed. I get moral support from just about everyone in my life, in fact I can't think of one person who is not in my corner (at least in some form or another). Part of that is the people I choose to surround myself with, the other part of it is...I guess there is no other part, I simply have amazing people in my life. I have my wonderful husband, who I miss desperately. I have my parents, my god parents, my in-laws, and true friends who sometimes seem more like family than friends.
I received a letter in the mail from my husband yesterday and it made me cry. Not because it was bad news, and not because I was missing him horribly (which I always am), but because he said exactly what I so desperately needed someone to say. That I am a good mom. I have heard it from friends, and I hear it all the time from my mom, but to hear it from him somehow made it feel more true. He is not even here to see or know all that Baby D and I go through each day, but somehow he just knew what I needed.
I would like to thank all the wonderful people in my life for being there. Even when I am being moronically stupid and self-deprecating. Thank you for putting up with me and for all the joy, love and support that you bring into my life...you know who you are :)
I received a letter in the mail from my husband yesterday and it made me cry. Not because it was bad news, and not because I was missing him horribly (which I always am), but because he said exactly what I so desperately needed someone to say. That I am a good mom. I have heard it from friends, and I hear it all the time from my mom, but to hear it from him somehow made it feel more true. He is not even here to see or know all that Baby D and I go through each day, but somehow he just knew what I needed.
I would like to thank all the wonderful people in my life for being there. Even when I am being moronically stupid and self-deprecating. Thank you for putting up with me and for all the joy, love and support that you bring into my life...you know who you are :)
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Bad News
How do you break bad news to some one who is thousands of miles away? I mean, if I tell Sgt D about something terrible that happened or is happening, what good does it do? Yes, he does know about it, but does it also make him feel somehow powerless? He is thousands of miles away and is not able to do anything about it other than listen and then sit on the FOB feeling guilty that he is not here to help. Even if his being here would not change anything, I'm sure he feels somehow helpless, I know I would.
So how do you do it? How would you tell someone about a bad thing that has happened in their civilian life? I just do not know how to do it in a way that is not going to end up causing even more damage than necessary...
So how do you do it? How would you tell someone about a bad thing that has happened in their civilian life? I just do not know how to do it in a way that is not going to end up causing even more damage than necessary...
Saturday, March 20, 2010
What's in a name?
EVERYTHING!!!
Baby D knows her name! She is only 18 weeks and 2 days old and she knows her name. One of my proudest mommy moments yet! I confirmed it by the fact that she turned her head away from the television when I called her name so I could take her picture. She did this not just once, but twice!
I cannot wait for Sgt D to call so I can tell him about his baby girl!
Baby D knows her name! She is only 18 weeks and 2 days old and she knows her name. One of my proudest mommy moments yet! I confirmed it by the fact that she turned her head away from the television when I called her name so I could take her picture. She did this not just once, but twice!
I cannot wait for Sgt D to call so I can tell him about his baby girl!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Sleep
Sleep. It is precious. I would even go so far as to say that it is sacred, and I certainly do not think that until 18 weeks ago I gave sleep the kind of respect that it deserves.
Sleep rejuvenates us, helps us to stay healthy and fight off illness. It helps us maintain our sanity during times of stress (both emotional and physical). It is good for us on so many levels and I honestly never gave it much thought until recently.
AnneMarie is like any typical baby her age (18 weeks). She gets tired after a few hours and needs to take a nap. She usually takes 2 or 3 a day. Nighttime sleep is a whole different story. She will fall asleep anywhere between 6 and 8 pm, and wakes up like clockwork at 11:30 pm for a "midnight" feeding. Then the rest of the night is in someone else's hands. Take last night for example: she was up at 11:20 pm for her "midnight" feeding, and then fell promptly back to sleep. At 1:51 am she was back awake. She wasn't hungry, she just wanted a playmate. I went in after 20 plus minutes of fussing that turned into full blown screaming/crying with tears and nursed her to what I thought was asleep. Boy was I wrong, as soon as I was back in my room and halfway into my bed...she was fussing/screaming again. I went back to her room to try to rock her down and she was not having it. She smiled at me and stared at me expectantly for 20 minutes as if to say "Are we going to play now?" I finally put her down, took the baby monitor, went into my office, turned off the monitor and fell asleep while she fussed. I woke up an hour later, turned the monitor back on and she was asleep. AnneMarie then slept until 6:23am, nursed herself back to sleep and remains in her bed now.
I realize that according to all kinds of different "sleep experts" there are probably a thousand opinions on the different things I did "wrong" last night, but you know what...I'm alone, with no help to speak of, no support in just letting her cry it out in the middle of the night (or anytime of day really) and I had to do what I had to do. She isn't going to be helped by an exhausted mommy and she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. (At least that is what I told myself 1000 times before I turned the monitor off.)
I can't wait until that wonderful morning where I wake up at 6am and lay there in awe and wonderment at the fact that my little girl made it a whole night.
Sleep is precious people!
Sleep rejuvenates us, helps us to stay healthy and fight off illness. It helps us maintain our sanity during times of stress (both emotional and physical). It is good for us on so many levels and I honestly never gave it much thought until recently.
AnneMarie is like any typical baby her age (18 weeks). She gets tired after a few hours and needs to take a nap. She usually takes 2 or 3 a day. Nighttime sleep is a whole different story. She will fall asleep anywhere between 6 and 8 pm, and wakes up like clockwork at 11:30 pm for a "midnight" feeding. Then the rest of the night is in someone else's hands. Take last night for example: she was up at 11:20 pm for her "midnight" feeding, and then fell promptly back to sleep. At 1:51 am she was back awake. She wasn't hungry, she just wanted a playmate. I went in after 20 plus minutes of fussing that turned into full blown screaming/crying with tears and nursed her to what I thought was asleep. Boy was I wrong, as soon as I was back in my room and halfway into my bed...she was fussing/screaming again. I went back to her room to try to rock her down and she was not having it. She smiled at me and stared at me expectantly for 20 minutes as if to say "Are we going to play now?" I finally put her down, took the baby monitor, went into my office, turned off the monitor and fell asleep while she fussed. I woke up an hour later, turned the monitor back on and she was asleep. AnneMarie then slept until 6:23am, nursed herself back to sleep and remains in her bed now.
I realize that according to all kinds of different "sleep experts" there are probably a thousand opinions on the different things I did "wrong" last night, but you know what...I'm alone, with no help to speak of, no support in just letting her cry it out in the middle of the night (or anytime of day really) and I had to do what I had to do. She isn't going to be helped by an exhausted mommy and she needs to learn to fall asleep on her own. (At least that is what I told myself 1000 times before I turned the monitor off.)
I can't wait until that wonderful morning where I wake up at 6am and lay there in awe and wonderment at the fact that my little girl made it a whole night.
Sleep is precious people!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Home
Home has come to have new meaning for me. Home used to be where I grew up, where my parents were and all the people I went to school with. Now home is where Sgt D is (even though he isn't here right now). I spent 4 weeks at "home" with my parents, and the whole time I just felt as though there was this hole in my heart. I got back to my own house yesterday and even though Sgt D is not here, this really feels like home.
All of our memories are in this house, all of his things, our furniture, our bed, our computer, but most importantly, he is here. I can get up every morning and see his boots lined up under our counter and I know I'm home. I can open our closet and see all of his clothes and know I'm home. I can open my eyes in the morning and see all of his war books lined up on top of his dresser and know that I'm home. Somehow, being in California and him not being there makes it feel less like home. I guess that is because Sgt D is such a major part of my definition of home now.
Don't get me wrong, I loved visiting with my parents. I have missed them every day since I moved up here, but there is just something different about being there versus being here, and that difference is Sgt D.
All of our memories are in this house, all of his things, our furniture, our bed, our computer, but most importantly, he is here. I can get up every morning and see his boots lined up under our counter and I know I'm home. I can open our closet and see all of his clothes and know I'm home. I can open my eyes in the morning and see all of his war books lined up on top of his dresser and know that I'm home. Somehow, being in California and him not being there makes it feel less like home. I guess that is because Sgt D is such a major part of my definition of home now.
Don't get me wrong, I loved visiting with my parents. I have missed them every day since I moved up here, but there is just something different about being there versus being here, and that difference is Sgt D.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
2 months down
SGT D has been gone for two months and here's what I've learned:
1. The term friendship means different things to different people. It is a lot more flexible for some people than others.
2. I am stronger than I ever imagined - both physically and emotionally. It is amazing what you can accomplish when there are no men around to help you... Not to mention when you have a 16 lb baby to carry around everywhere.
3. Family is important - and the definition of family is flexible. You can surround yourself with people who become an extended family when yours cannot be there.
4. Smiles are priceless and one smile in the morning can make up for an entire night of screaming :D
5. You can either let a deployment beat you or you can beat a deployment. It is all about attitude and outlook. If you face it as only a year and lately the years have been flying by at lightening speed, then it really is not that long.
6. You can accomplish more than you ever thought possible if you empower yourself. Give yourself permission to solve problems on your own and you will be able to! So far I have filed our taxes, sold and bought a car on my own. Next month...paying off Sgt D's truck!
7. It is ok to let yourself feel down once in awhile. You do not have to be a rock all the time, give yourself permission to cry, just do not make it an every day occurrence or the deployment will begin to beat you and you cannot allow that!
8. Grandparents are awesome! As are next door neighbors!
1. The term friendship means different things to different people. It is a lot more flexible for some people than others.
2. I am stronger than I ever imagined - both physically and emotionally. It is amazing what you can accomplish when there are no men around to help you... Not to mention when you have a 16 lb baby to carry around everywhere.
3. Family is important - and the definition of family is flexible. You can surround yourself with people who become an extended family when yours cannot be there.
4. Smiles are priceless and one smile in the morning can make up for an entire night of screaming :D
5. You can either let a deployment beat you or you can beat a deployment. It is all about attitude and outlook. If you face it as only a year and lately the years have been flying by at lightening speed, then it really is not that long.
6. You can accomplish more than you ever thought possible if you empower yourself. Give yourself permission to solve problems on your own and you will be able to! So far I have filed our taxes, sold and bought a car on my own. Next month...paying off Sgt D's truck!
7. It is ok to let yourself feel down once in awhile. You do not have to be a rock all the time, give yourself permission to cry, just do not make it an every day occurrence or the deployment will begin to beat you and you cannot allow that!
8. Grandparents are awesome! As are next door neighbors!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
I just need a second...
Lately, I feel like I need to ask permission to bitch. As though I need to preface my rant with "I just need to get this off my chest, please do not try to compare your issues with mine, just let me speak my peace so I can move on."
Sometimes I just need to rant, when I am particularly upset about something I just want to be able to complain, rant and rave until I have gotten it out of my system. It usually does not take long, and I am only looking for an ear, a shoulder, a friend. I have found, however, that lately if I have something I need to get off my chest, certain friends (not anyone that reads this blog), feel the need to tell me that my situation is not that bad, and they have experienced something to much worse, or they know someone who has. I do not know how to tell these people that I do not really care about what they have gone through, or what someone else has gone through, that I am more concerned with myself, my baby girl and my husband right now. Is it really that hard to just listen and be empathetic?
I think what other people do not understand is that unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really cannot compare experiences. The best you can do is listen and if (and only if) asked provide helpful suggestions. Do not try to compare, as I cannot possibly exactly understand what someone else is experiencing, you cannot truly understand my pain. All I need is for you to please be a good friend and listen. Thank you.
Sometimes I just need to rant, when I am particularly upset about something I just want to be able to complain, rant and rave until I have gotten it out of my system. It usually does not take long, and I am only looking for an ear, a shoulder, a friend. I have found, however, that lately if I have something I need to get off my chest, certain friends (not anyone that reads this blog), feel the need to tell me that my situation is not that bad, and they have experienced something to much worse, or they know someone who has. I do not know how to tell these people that I do not really care about what they have gone through, or what someone else has gone through, that I am more concerned with myself, my baby girl and my husband right now. Is it really that hard to just listen and be empathetic?
I think what other people do not understand is that unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really cannot compare experiences. The best you can do is listen and if (and only if) asked provide helpful suggestions. Do not try to compare, as I cannot possibly exactly understand what someone else is experiencing, you cannot truly understand my pain. All I need is for you to please be a good friend and listen. Thank you.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
A Pain You Cannot Make Go Away
Today I had to take my little baby girl to the hospital for some tests. She has been having blood in her diapers for over a month and the first three times we went to the doctor (including one ER visit last Friday) the doctors said that she had anal fissures (tears in her bottom). I had a hard time believing that so I took her back to the doctor today, and low and behold, the doctor agreed with me that there was no tears and there must be another cause for the blood.
The doctor said that we needed to run tests for baby anemia because she has been losing blood for a month. This is incredibly dangerous because anemia in a baby so young can cause developmental delays. They are also testing her for food allergies, because she is breastfed only it is possible that she is allergic to something that I am eating. I am hoping to get answers pronto.
It was the worst day ever, 1000 times worse then when she got her vaccines. They had to use three different veins to get blood out of her, and they finally had to squeeze the blood out of her hand. She cried and screamed the entire time. I felt so helpless. I now know that the hardest part of being a mom is when your baby is in pain and you cannot make that pain go away.
The doctor said that we needed to run tests for baby anemia because she has been losing blood for a month. This is incredibly dangerous because anemia in a baby so young can cause developmental delays. They are also testing her for food allergies, because she is breastfed only it is possible that she is allergic to something that I am eating. I am hoping to get answers pronto.
It was the worst day ever, 1000 times worse then when she got her vaccines. They had to use three different veins to get blood out of her, and they finally had to squeeze the blood out of her hand. She cried and screamed the entire time. I felt so helpless. I now know that the hardest part of being a mom is when your baby is in pain and you cannot make that pain go away.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
First Cold
Baby D has her first cold, complicated by a her first bout of pink eye. My heart is in pieces seeing her so sick. I cannot remember a time in my life where I have ever felt so helpless and so mean at the same time. I feel helpless because I cannot take her pain away, I feel mean because I have to give her pink eye medication and I hate making my little girl cry :(
In other news Sgt D is so far doing well. He's been gone for a month and received his first care package already. I have his third one all together. I just need to get my butt to the post office to send it. It feels really weird to be sending him a birthday care package when his birthday is a month away, but I want to make sure he gets it in time. Mom, dad and I bought him a PSP and a few games. I think he is really going to enjoy it.
Missing daddy big time!
In other news Sgt D is so far doing well. He's been gone for a month and received his first care package already. I have his third one all together. I just need to get my butt to the post office to send it. It feels really weird to be sending him a birthday care package when his birthday is a month away, but I want to make sure he gets it in time. Mom, dad and I bought him a PSP and a few games. I think he is really going to enjoy it.
Missing daddy big time!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Mommy Pillow
I have recently discovered that I make an incredibly comfortable pillow, at least in the eyes of my 2 month old. In fact as I type she is passed out on my chest acting as my own personal heater.
Today she was very fussy, most likely due to the fact that yesterday she had her 2 month check up and her first round of vaccines. The nurse told me it would make her a little fussy, and boy was she right. So far I have rocked her to sleep four separate times and each time she has woke up unhappy, so for the fifth time I laid her on my chest and she is fast asleep. Now I'm afraid to move. I guess that means I'm significantly more comfortable than her cradle or crib. Tomorrow we are going to go out and do something.
Today she was very fussy, most likely due to the fact that yesterday she had her 2 month check up and her first round of vaccines. The nurse told me it would make her a little fussy, and boy was she right. So far I have rocked her to sleep four separate times and each time she has woke up unhappy, so for the fifth time I laid her on my chest and she is fast asleep. Now I'm afraid to move. I guess that means I'm significantly more comfortable than her cradle or crib. Tomorrow we are going to go out and do something.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Patience
Anybody who knows me knows that I was not blessed with an over abundance of patience. Let's be honest, I was not blessed with any patience. Ever since Baby D was born though, boy have I had some learning to do, and it is a steep learning curve. Here are a few things I've learned:
1. Be patient when changing a diaper, if you do not wait long enough you will either get peed or pooped on, and sometimes...both!
2. Be patient when breastfeeding, if you get frustrated so will the baby and that only leads to getting bit or gummed.
3. Be patient when putting the baby down in her crib, if you put her down before she is truly asleep, it could easily be another hour before she really falls asleep.
4. Be patient with yourself, if you think you should have things down immediately and this is your first baby, then share what you are smoking with me, because it does not all come that easy. It isn't like woosh the baby is out and you become super mom. Nope, you have to work really hard, and even then, you are going to screw up.
If you are really patient you sometimes get rewarded with toothless grins like this one:
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